Camera Etcetera

It’s been a good couple of days.

I have my camera back. Or more precisely: I have a better camera back. Yup. Let me recap my camera saga:

I buy my new camera. After one month it breaks. The zoom is inoperational. I give it back to the store, they send it out for repairs. Two months go by. I go to the store and demand something happen. The guy I talk to says that the service center is closed for the day but he promises that he will get back to me tomorrow with a final decision about what will happen. The next day he leaves a message on our answerphone. They’ll give me a new camera.

So yesterday I go to the store. The service guy apologises for the whole thing. He fixes the paperwork and calls for a sales guy so I can get me a new camera. And then he says that this time I better buy the extra insurance, because If I had had that then none of this would have happened. Man, that made me want to tell him off. The camera was faulty and it took them two months to decide that they couldn’t fix it. Sure, if I had gotten the insurance then they probably would have given me a new camera right away. But really, 2 months is unacceptable. And the guy I talked to back then was going to give me a new camera straight away anyway, they just didn’t have any left in the store. So trying to sell me extra insurance because of their own mistakes and their own faulty camera, that pisses me off. But I bit my tongue, didn’t feel like arguing with them. And I declined the insurance. I have never bought extra insurance for anything I have bought. Computers, TVs, DVDs, cameras. None. And I have never regretted it. Maybe one day I will find myself needing the insurance. But then I will just spend some of all that money I have saved over the years. Those extra insurances are usually bogus anyway. The clerk makes comission of them, that’s why they’re so eager for you to buy them. Not because they care. Sniff, whatever happened to caring?

So anyway. The sales clerk takes me to their big camera collection. I tell him that I want the same model, the colour doesn’t matter but I want the same camera type. He had thought I just wanted a new camera. Not the same. So he has to check their computer system to see if they have any Konica Minolta DiMage Z3’s left. He wasn’t sure. But then he decides to check their display case. There’s no Z3. But there’s a Z5. It’s basically the same camera, only with a slightly bigger LCD screen and 5 megapixels instead of 4. Funny thing is, in the three months that have passed since I bought the Z3, it has fallen in price. And the Z5 has fallen in price too. To the price that the Z3 used to be. So voila, they give me a Z5 instead. I had to take the camera they had in their display case though, that was the last one left. But I don’t mind that.

So that’s how it ended. I now have a swanky DiMage Z5. I am happy about that. Was it worth it? Waiting for the camera for 2 months to get a better model? I think so. Mainly because I had my old camera and was happy with that. If they DiMage had been my only camera then it would have been a loooong 2 months. But the only time I really could have needed my new camera was at the Tina Dickow signing session. I would have liked to make a good quality video clip there. But other than that my old camera has been perfectly adequate.

So all is swell that ends well. 5 Megapixels, 12x zoom, high quality video with audio. That’s good stuff.

There is more good news. I went to the doctor yesterday and I’m going to have surgery in two weeks! Hah. Yes. I have hinted at it before. It’s something that’s hard to talk about for me. But now that the surgery is scheduled (and soon!) I guess it’s almost time. I will probably do it tomorrow or Sunday. So don’t miss that. My future may well depend on it. More or less.

In other possibly good news, I seem to be able to maybe get a ticket for the neighbourhood Tina Dickow concert. That would be astounding. Only thing is, my surgery is on the 7th and the concert is the 11th. But I can always stand in the back and not jump around wildly. I oughta be able to make it. I really want to go. How many chances are you going to get to see a great artist come home and play in their old neighbourhood and then also have it be your own old neighbourhood? I don’t think that happens too often. So I must try. I’ll call the doc on Monday and see what they recommend.

Also, I wish season 2 of Lost would start soon. I want to know what’s in the hatch. I want to know what’s in the hatch I want to know what’s in the hatch I want to know what’s in the hatch.

Sorry. But I reeeeally want to know.

I just overheard my mother talking to her brother on the phone. “Do you know what I’m sucking on now?” she said. *shudder*. Okay, she was talking about bonbons. But still. That’s something you should never ever hear your mother say. My mother is a Freudian nightmare. She still pronounces hard disk as hard diks. And yes, as I said in my previous update, she’s reading my site now. So hi mum!

Let’s break in the new camera with some playground pictures, shall we? You probably can’t tell the difference from old cam hah. I’m going to try and learn how to use this one properly. There’s nothing as fun as reading instruction manuals!

My favourite subject. Adorable Magnethe.

And just because Mads makes me happy…

Finally, ducks on the run.

I can’t update my gallery. Annoying. It’s most likely because of that servermove my host did. It was fine before that. I guess this would be a good time to change over to coppermine.

Anyway, happy weekend to you all.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 26th, 2005 at 22:31 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Florida Girl Says:
   August 26th, 2005 at 23:37 e

   Have a great weekend!

2. larry brown is a skank Says:
   August 27th, 2005 at 9:00 e

   dear mrs lasse:
   OMG LASSE IS SO AWESOME! we always talk about how great he is and how he helps old ladies cross the street, gives blood regularly and don’t even touch the orange juice and cookies because he wants to leave it for the more needy (those sad homeless people who have to give blood just for the orange juice and cookie so they can have a meal), and he tutors portugese to blind asthmatic children who have parents in prison.
   i used to be a lost wee child living a sinful life of booze and crack and promiscuity with crackwhores looking for any distraction from life, UNTIL I MET LASSE and now i’m an architect AND doctor, (BOTH medical and that other kind) ALL THANKS TO LASSE! what a glorious beautiful child you have! god bless!

3. Plume Says:
   August 28th, 2005 at 20:52 e

   I -am- awesome.

A Message To My Mother

Hej Mor.
Jeg ved godt, at du kigger på min hjemmeside. Og jeg er ikke overrasket.

Yes, my mother checks out my website. I can see it in our computer’s history. She’s been doing a lot of snooping around. Typical.
But who cares.
The truth cannot hurt me any longer.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 26th, 2005 at 22:31 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

Pistacie Fake Icecream

Ugh. I am tired. And my head hurts. My feet hurt. I have a blister. It’s been a long day.

Therapy was hard. Afterwards I was walking around in the sun. Missed my bus. Complained about my camera at the store. More walking.

I’m looking forward to going to bed now.

So group therapy. Third session. At first it seemed like any of the other sessions. But then we had to do an exercise. It was like my heart froze when Signe said it. We had to pair up two and two. And turn our chairs to face each other.

Panic panic panic. Sitting face to face with someone. Talking to them. That is one of the scariest things I can imagine.

The exercise was about self-focus. I’ll try not to go into a long lecture about it. But basically when your phobia kicks in then you focus a lot on yourself. Your symptoms and feeling and such. So it’s important to learn to focus on other things, the person you’re talking to or the surroundings for example. So, in the exercise we had to first talk 2 minutes where we focus a lot on ourselves, focus inwards. And then talk 2 minutes where we focus outwards, on other things. In order for us to experience the difference.

I was paired with Vibe. She was going first, doing the talking first. So I just had to sit and listen to her. That wasn’t easy though. Especially in round 2, where I knew that she was going to be focusing outwards, and therefore focusing on me. I can’t stand being the center of attention. It almost physically hurts when people look at me. So that was tough. And when she was done it was my turn to talk. I chose to talk about my trip to the Netherlands to see Skye. Really, that was something too intimate for me to start talking to a stranger about. But I didn’t know what to pick. Something that I could talk about for 4 minutes? I have nothing in my life that can’t be described in 20 seconds. Sort of. So I told that story. First 2 minutes where I focused on myself. And then 2 minutes where I focused on other things. That was hard though. Because the room was full of therapists and observers and people talking. When I tried to steer my focus away from myself then it just bumped into a “You’re in group therapy and you’re being evaluated” wall.

I got through it. But it was one of the hardest things I have done in a long while. Very confrontational. Pushing boundaries. Still, that’s what it’s all about. You have to confront your fears etc. And Vibe was a good partner. In the 2nd round I started stumbling a little on my words, wasn’t sure what to say. But she asked some questions and helped me a long like that. So that was good.

When it was all said and done we went around the circle and everyone talked about how it had been and if they felt the difference between focusing on yourself and focusing on something/someone else. I was the first one to talk about my experience. Vibe was the last. And she gave me a big surprise.

I was a little nervous that she would say something like “this was a hard exercise because Lasse is such a bad partner, he’s hard to talk to etc”. But no. She said I had actually helped her. Because I seemed so interested in what she said. And because I had such a kind face and such friendly eyes. Wow.

Wow.

That I did not expect. It came like a lightning bolt. In the situation where I had been listening to her I had thought that she would be thinking that I was weird, that I was a bad partner. It never occured to me that she would think anything positive about me. She said that too, afterwards. That she realized that it probably wasn’t something that I knew. And that’s why she wanted to mention it. And Signe said “yes, and now he does know. And what do you think about that Lasse?”. And what did I think about it? It was wonderful to hear of course. Vibe didn’t have to say anything positive about me. She didn’t have to say anything about me period. It was her own experience she was evaluating. Nobody asked her about me, it was her own iniative to say something nice about me.

What an odd feeling. Hehe.

I know some of you guys have said I look kind too, and that the animals like me because I’m kind and such. But still, it’s easy to think that “Oh I look kind on that picture, that means I’m butt ugly but I have a nice personality”. Not that I don’t appreciate the nice things you say, you know I do immensely. But it still something quite amazing to hear it from someone who doesn’t have to say anything positive, who doesn’t have to say anything at all. But who says it face to face. And who says it in a situation that’s really hard and stressful for everyone. It was just… striking.

When our sessions are over we always go around the circle and everyone says what was best and what was worst for them in that session. For me the worst was our exercise, the hardest for me. Sitting and talking with another person. And the best was obviously the response I got from Vibe. I really got something good out of it today.

Sometimes I really feel like life could turn out okay after all. And what a nice feeling that is.

My mother is in Copenhafen for 3 days. Luckily no depression has turned up. I tried one of her “healthy icecream bars”. Not surprisingly it sucked. It’s just a fact of life. Everything that’s good for you sucks. Be it food or hard therapy or whatever.

But hopefully worth it in the end.

I think it will be.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005 at 22:12 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Anne Says:
   August 24th, 2005 at 20:49 e

   Du har vise, venlige øjne – og siger de gamle ikke, at øjnene er sjælens spejl?

2. Maile Says:
   August 25th, 2005 at 9:12 e

   lasse, you are one of the kindest people i’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. and that certainly does not mean that you are ugly. you are cute, you silly boy!

3. Valja Says:
   August 25th, 2005 at 20:28 e

   firstly, I got your e-mail but am not the best at instantly responding either … response forthcoming. secondly, your entry made me smile. Vibe saw in you what I (and the rest of your readers) see in your writing/photos. (I know online compliments can seem … err… not entirely real … just as real-life compliments can seem not entirely sincere … but sometimes that’s just how they seem, not how they are. :)

4. larry brown is a skank Says:
   August 25th, 2005 at 20:44 e

   uh, yeah, nice is usually what you say about someone when there isn’t anything else positive or special you can find about their look or personality. but it can also just be that they think youre nice.

5. Plume Says:
   August 26th, 2005 at 19:37 e

   You guys are the bestest.

Queer As Folk

No matter how tired, hurting or down I may feel…

…Mads will always cheer me up.

Here he is running towards me:

The goats did a lot of running today. For no particular reason. Usually they only run if they hear a loud noise. Or spot me. Or you know, reacting to something. But today I couldn’t really see any reason for them running around. It was odd. Mathilde jumped up on a table, baahed out loud, jumped down, ran to another table, jumped up on that, jumped down and then ran around some more. Ran into a group of ducks and spooked them so they started running around, flapping their wings. Rather odd all.

Speaking of ducks.

Thank you Anne, for identifying the duck. Muscovy ducks. Fascinating colours.

Mads is the slowest goat. Because of his big gut. Haha. Magnethe is very fast. It’s almost scary when she’s going at top speed straight towards you. But she always breaks in time.

Kindergarteners were visiting the playground.

Cautiously approaching the goats.

They fed leaves to Mathilde. And tried to pet her and such. Eventually she got a little annoyed with them. And started doing her typical “jumping up in the air so I look really big and frightening” thing. Kindergarteners are a lot to handle for a shy goat.

Mrs Piggy was having a nice lie down.

She was lying quite motionless there. Until Pernille came with a carton of milk.

That woke her up.

Nothing like a good drink.

And that’s all I’m going to do today.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 22nd, 2005 at 22:25 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

rESISTANCE iS fUTILE

D-O Y-O-U W-A-N-T T-O S-E-E S-O-M-E-T-H-I-N-G A-W-E-S-O-M-E, H-U-M-A-N?

comedian.dk. The currently first entry (can’t seem to link straight to the entry), “balancing point”. The link that says “den her video”. Brilliant video. It blows my mind. Makes me want to meditate.

(UPDATE: Direct link to entry with video)

T-H-A-T I-S A-L-L.

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 20th, 2005 at 22:58 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Maile Says:
   August 22nd, 2005 at 14:11 e

   just wanted to let you know that i locked my guestbook. the link is on a protected page, the password is calypso79

2. Rasmus Says:
   August 23rd, 2005 at 3:29 e

   The link is fixed. You can link directly to the post now.

   Here are the creators’ homepage: http://www.rock-on-rock-on.com/community.html

   Zencheers,
   Rasmus

Oh Ye Of Little Fate

Today I pretended that I was a robot.

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 20th, 2005 at 20:55 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

Me, Mah Self And I

It is weekend, hooray!

Nowt much to report. A couple of quiet days. Before I go enjoy the weekend let me just post a million identical pictures from the last couple of days at the playground.

First of all, what is this:

They can’t all be chickens, right? Is it a turkey? Okay, chicken, swan, duck, turkey. What other options are there? For a guy who read a million books about animals as a kid, you’d think I knew more.

Hmm.

Mathilde was tied up yesterday.

She seemed okay with it for the most part. It just makes leaving hard. Because then she starts baahing like she doesn’t want me to leave. Aw. Breaks your heart, donnit?

Here’s a typical Mads shot:

That happens on a regular basis. I’ll start scratching him on his head and then he tries to eat my sleeve.

Magnethe has been quite feisty the last couple of days. She has started charging at some of the kids.

It’s so cute. Because she’s so tiny, she couldn’t hurt a fly.

But she still goes at it. I bet she has learnt it from Mads.

She doesn’t do it to me. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m too big a target, or because she likes me too much. I almost wish she’d do it though, because I find it extremely adorable.

She continued the next day, same girl. Yeah, Magnethe has got a will of her own. She’s growing up more like Mads than like Mathilde.

Speaking of Mads, he was the one who was tied down today.

And like you would imagine, he did not like it. Mathilde just accepts it, but Mads does not. He keeps baahing all the time. Especially when the other goats wander off a little. Mads does not like being left alone. Poor guy.

At one point I had followed Mathilde and Magnethe out on the grass field on the other side of the playground house. I was sitting there, enjoying their company. Then suddenly Mads came racing out on the grass. Pernille had set him free so he immediately came running out to join us.

Pernille told the goats to stay on the field, and then she said to me: “they probably won’t go anywhere as long as you’re here”. Sweet. And later on Per told me that they had tied down Mads and Mathilde the last couple of days because they had been wandering up in the ghetto appartment blocks. Probably because the sheep are gone. Yes, no more Black and White. They have left for pastures greener. Normally the sheeps would be tied down somewhere and then the goats would generally stick around the same area. But without the sheep, the goats started walking too far away again.

I’ll miss Black and White. sniffle.

I hope Mads never goes away. I found a great place to scratch him.

See. Sort of where his throat goes down to his belly. I don’t know what that place is called. He loves it when I scratch him there though. He stands completely still and gazes off in the distance. Closes his eyes in half and just enjoys it.

You know he loves it when he stands still. Not much can get that goat to stand still. He’s always trying to sniff for food or rub himself against something or generally get up to no good. It’s kind of nice that I have found his “weak spot” in case I need a little break from his rough-housing, hehe.

I love Magnethe’s voice. If you haven’t heard it yet, then download the third video here. It’s so sweet. Mads’ voice is sort of a girly miii. And Mathilde’s is a stronger maaaah. And then Magnethe, it’s like she can’t quite complete the maah. She only gets the “m” sound. M-m-m-m-m-ah. I love it. It sounds a little sort of sad and pathetic. Like “I’m a little baby, come and take care of me”.

She is my little sweet potatoe pie.

That’s all folks.

Listening: Sun Ra Arkestra – Fate in a Pleasant Mood (840901)

This entry was posted on Friday, August 19th, 2005 at 22:35 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Anne Says:
   August 21st, 2005 at 23:52 e

   Det er moskusænder, de der sære fyre. Min mands fætter har haft en hel flok – nu er der to hunner tilbage, begge mere end 20 år og smakforkælede. Niels, fætteren, er blevet så glad for dyr, at han ikke mere spiser kød. Der gik indtil for få år siden to oldgamle køer på hans lille hobby-landbrug – de døde af alderdom. Og den skæbne får hans fire gamle får også. Jeg har fortalt ham om dig og gederne, og han forstår det frem for nogen.

Golden Globes?

Bad news for me. I didn’t get my ticket for the Tina Dickow homecoming Trax concert. I went to Kvickly today. And it was sold out.

Great. Just great. You will remember of course that the first time I tried to buy them I was told that the guy who was supposed to get them their tickets hadn’t shown up. So whoever that guy is he probably cost me the concert. If he had gotten them the tickets when he was supposed to then I most likely would’ve gotten one. Bummer.

All hope is not lost though. I posted on Tina’s forum about it and I got a mail from a girl whose friend might have an extra ticket. So cross your fingers for me.

It would suck if I missed it. I have been looking forward to this. Homecoming. “Our” neighbourhood.

I was so disappointed that I drank half a litre of tropical fresh juice while waiting for the bus. That took 5 minutes. 20 minutes more to wait for the bus. So I decide to go into the Red Cross store and look. I spend 1 minute too much in there and miss the bus. So now I have to wait another 30 minutes in the blistering sun. Just great.

Wasn’t all bad though. Walked around downtown.

Summer in the city.

People looking pretty.

Drop it like it’s hot.

Don’t let the icecream go to waste.

I only wish that wasn’t a model. They should make icecreams that big. That would rule.

I miss my new camera. Last week they told me it would be ready this week. It’s almost two months now. If it’s not done tomorrow then I’ll have to go by the store and bang on the table or something. I demand satisfaction.

There’s a big change coming at work. Poul Erik will be stopping at the end of the month. He’s the grand old man. He’s been at Kultursats for years. It will be strange to see him go. I’m going to be the grand old man when he’s gone. I’ll be the guy who has been there the longest. And I still feel like a rookie. Odd.

Sanne asked me to take a group picture. We’ll put it on a mug and give it to him when he leaves. It was kind of funny. It has to be a surprise. So I had to pretend like I wanted to take the picture for myself. That’s not so unusual, I often take pictures. But it’s still kind of odd to have to “act”. Both Sanne and Anders knew why we were taking the picture, but I had to be all “Hey can you guys come outside with me so I can take a picture?” and they have to be all like “Oh sure Lasse, we can do that if you want to”. We will not be winning Academy Awards. I don’t know if Poul Erik suspected anything though. Hopefully he doesn’t read my blog haha. Here are the results by the way:

We tried to get Poul Erik sort of in the middle. Without being obvious about it. Sanne: “You’re the tallest Poul Erik, you have to sit down in the middle”. Hmm, yes.

Anders and Poul Erik sitting on the front row. Sanne and I on top.

I don’t look that abnormal do I? I could almost pass for one of the guys.

I can always pass for one of the guys with Mads, no matter how freaky I look.

Haha.

In other news: The Psycho video has leaked! It’s a Smashing Pumpkins video. “25 Songs O Pumpkins”. Wow. I don’t usually like videos, because I listen to music at the computer while doing other things. Videos you have to pause everything you’re doing and watch them. I prefer just listening to the music. But this thing is pretty special.

1 I’m Free (Live 89 @ unknown Metro show #1)
2 She (Live 88 @ unknown club)
3 Geraldo interviewing Charles Manson
4 The Crystal Ship (Live 89 @ unknown Metro show #2)
5 Sun (Live 89 @ unknown Metro show #2)
6 Spiteface (Live 89 @ unknown Metro show #2)
7 Venus In Furs (Live 89 @ unknown Metro show #3)
8 Billy & Bob English in the crowd @ Geraldo’s show
9 My Dahlia (89 rehearsal)
10 My Eternity (1988.11.19 on The Pulse)
11 Rhinoceros (Live 90 @ unknown club)
12 East (Live 90 @ unknown club)
13 I Am One (Live 90 @ unknown club)
14 I Am My End (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
15 Rhinoceros (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
16 Ball And Chain (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
17 Bury Me (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
18 Try To Try (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
19 Jennifer Ever (88 soundcheck)
20 There It Goes (88 soundcheck)
21 Oui Henri (Live 88 @ unknown club) *cut after 20 seconds*
22 Nothing And Everything (Live 88 @ unknown club)
23 Salt (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
24 Lie I Lie (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
25 Razor (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
26 Love (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
27 C’mon (Live 1989.10.31 @ Metro)
28 The Marked – Scary Neurotic Song (Promo video)
29 The Marked – The Trance (Promo video)
30 Geraldo interviewing unknown serial killer “Joe”

Charles Manson reminded me of Gerrard (I think) from Twin Peaks. But anyway, look at that. It’s rather amazing seeing the Smashing Pumpkins performing back in the late 80s, before they were stars. Lots of old and unreleased songs. I haven’t watched the whole thing yet. I can’t wait for the Marked videos! Sweet stuff. Imagine the one musical artist that you love the most, and then imagine getting videos of their very earliest and rarest performances. Imagine being a fan of Magic Johnson and then getting a video of him shooting hoops at 13. Imagine being a fan of Shakespeare and then getting a video of him writing a school essay.

Hey, as long as we’re imagining things then we might as well go for broke.

In yet other news: A couple of days ago I tuned into CNN and there was a big hubbub over some new virus. I got almost scared. If CNN were doing major coverage… Boy, it must be some fantastic virus? I practically ran to my computer to turn it off so I wouldn’t get hit. I decided to go to CNN’s website and read what it was actually about first, though. And as far as I understand it’s a virus that hits Windows 2000 machines. And the vulnerability has been addressed by Microsoft. So… only unpatched Windows 2000 machines are at risk? It must have been a slow news day on CNN. Or maybe all their machines are just running unpatched Windows 2000 systems eh?

And now, adieu!

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 18th, 2005 at 22:22 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Grant Says:
   August 19th, 2005 at 14:51 e

   if they made life size ice creams lifesize like that, as great as it’d be at first, I’d definetly get sick I think. BTW, like your glasses.

2. Katherine Says:
   August 23rd, 2005 at 5:42 e

   love the photo of you and mads! it’s like he’s all in the camera’s face. excuse no caps,,,am eating ice cream as i type.

Lions, Tigers And Bears

Group therapy part 2 done today. It went just fine. A lot easier than the first time. But still draining. That is the best word to describe it.

There were two new psychs in the room this time. Probably interns. They sat in the back and did the session transcription. There was also a microphone on the floor in the middle of the circle of chairs. And a camera in the back. It all adds a lot of pressure. All of us with social phobia have problems with getting attention and being judged. When you have two psychologists + 2 interns + a microphone + a camera + your team mates, then you suddenly feel like there are a lot of people judging what you say.

But it didn’t take long to forget about those things really. And the session wasn’t too different from the first one. Co-therapist Nicolas (not Nicolai as I thought) took the stage and told us more about phobias and fears. It all fit perfectly with me. Pretty much every single thing he said I could recognise from myself.

The two hours go by pretty fast. But exhausting. Fear is designed to keep you at attention. So you can react to the danger. Like Nicolas said, when we were out on the African savannah and the lions attack. The fear makes us react. Attack or flee. Sitting in group therapy for two hours is like running from a lion for two hours. Only without the lion.

Our homework had been to do some situation analysis forms. I got picked as the first one to do mine on the whiteboard. Dammit. It’s like being in school and hoping the teacher doesn’t pick you for that really hard question. But that’s what we’re there for of course. I shan’t complain. And it went okay. Although it’s still very hard to talk in front of everyone. That is my lion.

After the therapy I went to the playground. It’s remarkable how different a feeling it is. Going into the room for therapy I am at alert, I am stressed, I am afraid. All my senses are spiking. Sitting down with the animals I immediately get calm, feel happy. All my senses flatline and I worry about nothing. It’s a really good way to decompress after therapy. Amazing what an effect animals can have on people.

I know I need social contacts outside the playground. But small steps. The playground is my safe haven. It helps me a lot to have a place where I can feel happy and safe. And valued. That I have something to offer. I can be liked. By animals, kids, adults. I know there are people online who like me. And I appreciate that a lot. But that someone in real life can like me, that’s not something I’m used to feeling. When Skye first told me she loved me it took me a long time to accept it. We had to meet before I could really do that. Until we had spent some time together I couldn’t believe that she could love me. How could anyone love me? That is a thought that is still buried deep in my mind. Ten years of thinking of yourself as unlovable doesn’t not get erased that easily.

Anyway. Why not smile?

I got myself tickets to Tina Dickow today. Not the ones I was going for though. I wanted to get tickets to Trax. It’s a nice concept. Artists’ homecoming. Tina is going back to play at her old school. And since I still live in our old neighbourhood that will be pretty cool for me too. But there were no tickets at Kvickly, where they should have been on sale. Apparently the guy who was supposed to drop off the tickets and posters and stuff hadn’t shown up. And they didn’t have his number so they couldn’t get a hold of him! Darn. I hope they’ll get that all sorted out. I wonder what they do with the posters after the tickets are sold? Maybe I could snag one…

I got tickets for November, though. In Train. That’s a real club thing. I haven’t been to a concert at a venue like that. So that will be a new experience, unless something else in a club comes up before November. It’s been too long since my last concert, must find something new. Maybe something at Kulturgyngen. That would be handy. And I’d get a discount cause I work there. So that ain’t not bad.

That’s all. I’ll go be a crazed fan somewhere else. Toodles.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 16th, 2005 at 21:39 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Grant Says:
   August 17th, 2005 at 13:58 e

   Not sure if they like it if you call people psychos,hehe. Seriously though, sounds pretty rough, therapy that is. For some people I think therapy can help, but for everyone, I’m not so sure. It’s good that you are trying to find a way to help you deal with everything. Hope it all works out for you.

Dung

You know you’re gonna get hella good service at this place:

ROTFLMAOIABFOMO

This entry was posted on Monday, August 15th, 2005 at 21:08 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.