Any Wonder

Okay, now that I have most of the Mew madness out of my system I can get back to some nice playground news instead.

Remember the bigass bird babies at work? Well, Would you look at this:

Tiny little tweeties.

They were tweeting around, while their mother was keeping a close eye.

So small and fluffy.

So small that I could probably fit them both in the palm of my hand.

I know that in theory little chickens are no great miracle. But don’t tell me not to adore them. We only have the wonder that we chose to see.

And I will wonder when I want. Brothers in crime. Twins, but not identical. I Made a little video if you want to hear them tweet.

It must be a good time for animal babies. Mrs Piggy has got a new litter too:

She was lying there looking very, very exhausted. And the piglets were not moving from under the artificial sun. But I’m sure they’ll come out and play soon enough. And I will wonder, I will.

But that’s not all. There are more new occupants at the playground.

That picture is from inside the goats’ place. It’s a bad picture, but I hope you can make it out. Down below is the hay, where the goats sleep. And up above there is now a birdcage of sorts. There are actually holes in the backside of it, they lead out to a bigger part of the cage that is outdoors. Through which I got a couple of shots of the birds.

I believe they are undulater, in Danish. What are they in English? Budgies? Or is that just a nickname thing? I’m not sure. Nice and colourful though. Playful.

Lots of life at the playground. Is it any wonder that it makes me feel alive?

A shot from a rainy day. That’s the spot where I used to sit on a wooden board on the ground. But now they have paved over the ground and built a sort of bench thingie. And of course the goats love to jump up there. Especially when it rains, then I know I can find them there. And now it’s an even better place for me to sit of course. I’ll sit down on the left-most side (where the plastic bag is sitting on the ground), with my leg up on the board that goes out to the post. And Mads will stand right up next to me and I’ll scratch him good. And behind him Mathilde and Magnethe will stand and watch out for opportunities to get close to me. When Mads will let them.

I have been having much fun with Magnethe. She is incredibly feisty. She’s going to be worse than Mads, I swear! She is butting all over the place. It’s so much fun that I just had to make videos of it. Five videos in fact. If you like Magnethe then you really should try at least a couple of them. She’s so darling when she tries to cripple me.

You can also get to see my hunched back, the posture that I’m trying to change. Amazing I don’t fall over more often.

In most of the videos you can’t really hear it, but every time she butts me I go something like this: “oww-hahahaha”. It cracks me up.

I do hope the videos don’t make her seem too aggressive, she’s not that bad. I’m sort of goading (or should that be GOATING?! HAHAHA) her to butt me. It’s not like she’s doing it constantly. And it’s not like she’s being mean, it’s just playing. And I love it, which probably just encourages her more. She’s a very good girl and I don’t mind sacrificing my shins for a little fun.

That’s almost all. I just want to take one dip back into music. I came up with a tracklist for my debut album. It’s not final or anything. To be honest only a few of the songs even have lyrics. But there’s nothing wrong with ambition. So here goes:

01 Amusing Amputations (instrumental)
02 Broken Bones
03 The Sound of Falling Stars
04 A World Without Lawyers
05 Rags to Riches to Rags
06 Charming Accountant (instrumental)
07 Details That Define Us
08 Big Fish in Little Ponds
09 Summer Rain
10 Unrequited Love at First Sight
11 Lullaby for Skye
12 Utro

I don’t have a title for the album. Any suggestions?

Am I getting boring? It’s okay, you can tell me.

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 1st, 2005 at 22:06 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Kat Says:
   October 5th, 2005 at 1:46 e

   BUDGIES!

All About Mew

Allow me once again to recommend. Mew And The Glasshanded Kites. In stores now. Rave reviews from all over the world. I am proud that music like this can come from out of little Denmark.

First a rundown of all the songs and then some reviews, because you need to know this. Or maybe I just need to say it.
–

Circuitry of the Wolf
//

Chinaberry Tree
Tears out, it would feel so
Heavenly, Heavenly, Heavenly
hard now to picture a me
Without a you

Why Are You Looking Grave?
You’ve got smiling eyes
softly dividing
What they see in your face
From what you feel like inside

Fox Cub
And what you thought was true
Well, they were lying to you

Apocalypso
I’ve lost all my pure feelings
The psychiatrist posing as psychologist
When fear predicts
Then doubtly the mind suffers
Are we talking?
White is the winter

Waltz with me, courageously
We’re dancing, dancing
We will not die
Our days are multiplied
And I’m happy again

Special
There’s a taste that you can’t shake
But you can’t seem to let them go awry

The Zookeeper’s Boy
Answer me truthfully, do the clouds kiss you?
With meringue-coloured hair, I know they cannot

A Dark Design
A self-destructive mind of dark design
We may just live through life
Watching it from sweet repose
Cut up with knives that slice open

Saviours Of Jazz Ballet
Hey, folks! It’s the Saviours of Jazz Ballet
Fearless heroes of kick and spin

An Envoy To The Open Fields
In the corners of your eyes
I’ll stretch the sky in blue

Small Ambulance
//

The Seething Rain Weeps For You
Should I re-live my life
I’d run into you much sooner

White Lips Kissed
Our love is a fickle love
Keeps itself locked in a suitcase
To be ready to go
Always

Louise Louisa
And don’t ever think of trouble
The darkness that has been
No, don’t patronize with sorrow

It is prog 2005 style, blending rock and pop. It’s a layered delight that might not be immediate but provides something new with each listen. It’s riff heavy coming across as a modern mix of Yes, Genesis, It Bites and Mike Oldfield. Don’t let that scare you, it all works.
bbc.co.uk

Something has happened in Mew’s world; something enormous and brilliant. Where once were songs now stand slabs of complex yet thrilling symphonic movements that veer between cataclysmic thrashing to delicate minimalism and all points in between, each containing at least five potential songs in their own right, yet none of them hanging around long enough to leave you secure or comfortable. (…) “And The Glass Handed Kites” is truly a masterpiece and one that you’ll keep exploring for years. Goodness knows where they go from here.
uk.launch.yahoo.com

Mew have been sending their epic rumblings towards the mainstream for as long as this beer-decayed brain can recall (that’ll be two or three years then), but with Frengers, 2003’s much-acclaimed debut album, still riding high among indie popularity contests in magazine offices and student unions alike, this year looks likely to be the final make-or-break for the Danes.
drownedinsound.com

After the two excellent singles preceding Mews second album “Mew: And The Glass Handed Kites”, there’s no disappointment at all in the bands well appointed and uplifting 14 track collection. (…) This is inevitably an ambitious and complex album, although its sounds are at times sparse – but it’s a release to live with and Mew provide exquisite melodies set to the thinking mans drum beats. It’s well worth investigating.
music-dash.co.uk

This is the band’s follow up to debut album “Frengers” which was released in 2003. These Danish imports are no strangers to the UK music scene and their fans apparently include both Bono & Michael Stipe.
disordermagazine.com

Sure, this album is divided into 14 tracks, but it exists as one enchanting entity, flowing in one marvellous, mesmerising movement of Mew. (…) The throbbing rythms, samples, soaring organs and expertly off-kilter guitar strums that define this album are executed with finesse. Lulling the listener into dreamy soundscapes without ever letting go (…) this is the perfect soundtrack to the band’s own fantastical video imagery. Time to take note.
Rocksound magazine.

Producing dark and atmospheric songs, Mew possess a graceful beauty and create an epic sound with strikingly memorable tunes over which delicate vocals soar to angelic heights.
amazon.com

So they did it again,the Danish professors of genius pop – MEW!
melodic.net

Aside from Carlsberg and bacon, Denmark doesn’t seem to export much. Musically one could be forgiven for thinking only of cheesy pop acts (Aqua, Whigfield, Junior Senior) or bands hopping on the Scandinavian metal bandwagon (Konkhra, Ill Disposed). Until, that is, Mew. (…) they combine the fragile beauty of bands like The Buffseeds or Ooberman with the prog dynamics of Sigur Ros. (…) I still don’t know what the glass handed kites are all about, but by all accounts songwriter Jonas Bjerre has some pretty weird flights of fancy. After listening to this magical album, I’m just about ready to join him…
uk-fusion.com

I’m sorry to have gone all Mew bananas on you, but I got in the mood and didn’t want to resist it. I actually have a whole other entry almost done with some great stuff in it. But that’ll have to wait for tomorrow, or possibly Sunday. For now I’m going to go listen to Mew. Won’t you join me, won’t you please?

Mew official
Purchase!
Buy the album on amazon.com
Buy the album on amazon.co.uk
Buy the album on recordstore.co.uk
And probably other places too. It should be in stores in the UK at least. Of course I would never suggest that you download it from the intarweb because that would be wrong etcetera. I certainly don’t care more about people actually hearing the music than about legalities. Nope. Not me. I’m all about the cold, hard cash.

–
UPDATE:
Oh oh, speaking of Danish music. The amazing Tina Dickow (or Dico, possibly) will be playing in the states. Remaining dates:

01.10.2005 02.20, Boston NEMO – afternoon
07.10.2005 midnight San Francisco CA, Rx Gallery
08.10.2005 midnight Hollywood CA, Hotel Café
13.10.2005 midnight Chicago IL, Uncommon Ground

So if you’re anywhere near there then I suggest you go see her. And tell her Lasse sent you.

Also in the UK:

24.10.2005 9 pm, London, The Water Rats Theatre

Trust me, you won’t regret it. And if you do regret it I’ll refund your ticket. Seriously, I’m not joking. If you go see her and you think she stinks then I’ll personally give you a refund. YOU CAN’T LOSE.

(Just to cover my ass (and that’s a lot to cover), this offer is limited to the first.. oh let’s say 5-6 people. Not that I expect anyone to actually go. But I’m not made of money, you know).

This entry was posted on Friday, September 30th, 2005 at 21:34 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. hanne Says:
   October 1st, 2005 at 17:12 e

   are you gonna see mew on the 14th?

2. Great deprivation Says:
   October 21st, 2005 at 19:54 e

   Great deprivation

   Great deprivation

3. tsin Says:
   October 23rd, 2005 at 20:49 e

   Is it a kind of indie band?

4. SALIVA Says:
   November 18th, 2005 at 19:41 e

   MEW is the best that have happened to me……….. i cry when i am at their koncerts…….to see these guys who made the music that makes my heart jump……. :D i just looooove them

   i am danish :) proooud to be when mew is danish to

Being Close To Crazy And Being Close To You

Most of our lives we try so hard
to find
the time

I will try to find the time for an entry now. I’m tired. Quite tired. Yesterday was first day back at work. Today was first day back at therapy. Life picks up where I left off.

Work went fine yesterday. I fell right back into the routines. Talked a little with Sanne about the operation. Had several friendly hellos. It was nice to be back and see everybody.

Strange too. Getting used to my new body. I have to work on my posture. I need to get my back straightened. Not hunch over forwards. It takes time. When you’re so used to walking with your head down in shame, it takes time to get yourself straightened out.

Every time I walked past a window I’d turn my head and look at my reflection and try to see how I looked. It’s like I still can’t really believe that they’re gone. The breasts. I have to keep checking to make sure.

But it feels great to be able to walk into the restaurant upstairs and not worry, and not look down, and not want to escape as quickly as possible. I do feel a change, a big change.

Today I wore a shirt that used to make me feel bad because it was too tight around the chest. Today I wore it and didn’t feel bad. My closet has doubled.

Oh, yes. Look at this:

How neat. It’s in the passage from the street into the courtyard at work. A nest. When I left work a bird came flying into the passageway and landed up there in the corner. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t even have noticed the nest. I stood and watched for a few minutes. The mother (I assume) came flying back and forth. Bringing food for the youngins.

How nice. In the middle of the city, there is still life more than us humans.

We all need a little tweet sometimes.

So today was back to therapy. After missing three sessions. It was a little scary to come back. My bus was late so when I walked into the room everyone else was already seated. And someone was sitting in my chair! Yes, well nothing sinister. We have just changed places. But that was still not nice. My new place is farthest to the right. It’s a less secure position. I’m facing the other Lasse and Vibe, I much preferred my old seat. But okay. It didn’t take long for me calm down. And everyone was nice. Welcomed me back. Anne even said “or should we say congratulations?”. They’re happy for me, that’s really nice.

The session itself went fine. We’re working on “life rules”. The basic assumptions we have about ourselves and the world. But I won’t bore you with the details. At the end we did the usual round where everyone comments on the session. Lasse/2 asked me if I wouldn’t like to join them in the break room. When we have breaks. I usually go downstairs and outside to get some fresh air. By myself. Because I have a hard time with the socializing. But I’ll try to join them instead. That was nice, having a hand extended towards me. An invitation. They’re nice people.

After therapy I missed the bus. Luckily it was raining. I mean that. It was nice to stand in the rain. It’s been summer for so long. I have missed the rain. So I didn’t mind that, but it meant that I was quite late when I got to the playground. The animals were already inside. Fortunately they hadn’t been locked up yet. So I could go into the goat stables and say hi and spend 15 minutes there.

Kurt came in and when he saw me he said “Oh good that you’re here. They miss you, you know”. Sweet. I don’t know if they miss me though. Can goats miss people? I know that they can recognise me. So they remember me. But would they miss me if I didn’t come? At the end of the day it doesn’t matter that much, because I know for a fact that I would miss them.

Especially on therapy day. Therapy is hard and makes me tense. Seeing the animals is the perfect way to wind down. Even if it’s only for 15 minutes.

Yesterday I was there longer. And look at what happened to Magnethe:

Aw poor Magnethe has a collar thing now. That’s what you get for growing up I guess. It’s not like she seemed to mind it all. And now at least she can fit in with the cool kids. Mads and Mathilde, I mean.

It’s a fashion accessory.

Speaking of Mathilde.

I think she’s pretty actually. I realize that people who don’t love goats and who don’t have a personal connection to her might disagree. But I think she’s a pretty goat. The colour combination and everything. Maybe she’s not completely stunning like Magnethe. But then who is?

I like to just look at Mathilde. But of course that might be because I love the way she tilts her head slightly and looks back at me. Love at every sight.

Also, don’t forget the horses.

They have such sweet, deep eyes.

I wish there would come new sheepies. I miss Black and White. They were good kids.

But there you go. Life resumed, and all is well so far.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 27th, 2005 at 22:11 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Katherine Says:
   September 28th, 2005 at 5:38 e

   I like the colour spots on Mathilde’s knees, if those are knees…I think so. I think she’s very cute and Magnethe looks quite like her except she’s mostly brown. All mammals are emotional and I am sure they think about you and miss you when you’re not there. I sense the goats feel you understand them…and that can mean a lot to an animal contained in a mostly human world. Elephants are like this too. A woman went to do some undercover research at a circus and she stood next to the little paddock where two elephants (in costumes) were waiting until they had to perform. She said she sent them kind thoughts and one of the elephants made a beeline for her right away. I’ve heard that elephants think in pictures and images so if your thoughts have imagery, the animals will respond. The goats must sense what you feel about them and they respond to that.

2. jkdsfidsfv Says:
   April 16th, 2006 at 1:02 e

   mnmc bxjhcvbxchdbfzbjvbvjbcbjd hbhbzxc hbhc hxbcbhvfkzjds jbxjhbxc jjchbzhv hbhdbvckzluds hidgbzajd jhbhcydb jcjxcj

   from
   my dog molly

White Lips Kissed

I have pictures and little stories but I am tired, too tired. Suffice it to say that my first day back at work went just fine. It was good to be back.

And I picked up the new Mew CD. And The Glasshanded Kites. Great stuff. Seriously, you should get it. I got one for Skye. A late birthday present.

Tomorrow it’s back to therapy. At least Sanne said I could come in at 10 again. So I get to sleep a little. That’s the stuff.

And don’t forget, it’s almost christmas!

Jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells

This entry was posted on Monday, September 26th, 2005 at 21:45 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. melissa Says:
   September 27th, 2005 at 4:10 e

   hello. im just a random person who stumbled upon your site while looking for smashing pumpkins mp3s. well, somehow i found the story of you and skye. i loved it.. i noticed it was from 2 years ago. i just wanted to know, how are you and skye doing? i was in a very similar situation… i have social anxiety and a couple months ago i flew to another state to meet someone i had never met, but was very in love with. ready your story touched home SO MUCH. everything…from the awkwardness and feeling like you werent talking enough…just everything brought back so many feelings. my story didnt end happily though, but thank you for posting that.

Hard Now To Picture A Me Without You

The weekend is winding down. And so is my little surgery-vacation.

I’m still a little nervous about going back. To work, to life. But it’s going to be okay. It will be nice to get out, to see everyone again. It won’t be nice to have to get up early again. But that’s the price of modern life.

I took that shower yesterday. A nice, long, warm shower. What a nice feeling. That was also the first time I took my bandages off by myself. They’re not really bandages, more like thin tape stuff. Band-aids almost. It’s supposed to press it all together so the scars will look nice. They don’t look that great right now. It was the first time I got to really look at them up close. And they look like… scars. I guess I can’t expect that to look nice. I mean, they cut my skin open and sewed it back together. If that was haute-couture then Frankenstein would have been a supermodel. But I take comfort in the fact that the nurse said it looked great. I still have to count on 6 months or so before everything has settled and I can make a final judgment on it.

But so far I’m happy, very happy. It has been a lot easier than I’d thought and the result is something I have dreamt of for all my life.

I guess my next project should be to move out. That is the next big step for me on the road to a good life. I have to step up the search, put some more effort into it. Soon. First a little time to get back to work and therapy. Then it’s onwards and upwards.

Maybe some day a goat farm. I would seriously like that. It’s not realistic right now of course. Maybe never. I don’t know how big the market is for goat cheese and milk in Denmark. But I can dream. I vaguely remember a segment on the local news many years ago about a woman who quit her high-stress job and became a goat farmer. That was long before I discovered how great goats are. Long before I discovered that a normal life would be possible for me. But even back then it did sound romantic, quitting the city and making a living like that. I should like that. How much does a farm cost? I better start saving now I guess.

In the meantime three goats will do.

Mads has been a good doctor. He knows just how to make me feel better. His bedside manners may be slightly eccentric, but that is easily forgiven. I think we have bonded even more the last week or so. I have been able to go up to the playground fairly early in the day and just sit with him. Nuzzle his throat, scratch him behind the ears. It is like meditation, just sitting there and not really doing anything. I love it.

Now that I’m going back to work I’ll have less time there. But I’ll take what I can get.

New arrivals on Friday. Some funny, big hens. Roosters? I don’t know. Per, Knud and Alice/Pernille are looking at them there.

Magnethe was still butting around.

The girl didn’t mind. Just like me she found it funny. Magnethe did manage to hit me right on the knee a couple of times though. I should start wearing kneecaps. Hah.

Someone left the water fountain running.

Notice the sun?

Neat. Someone carved it in the rock.

Mads eyed the chance to refresh himself.

Fun stuff. Also made a video of it. The water looks funny on cam.

After a drink, you need something to eat.

Mads found a magazine in the garbage can. Which one?

Vagttårnet. The Watchtower. You know, Jehovah’s Witnesses. Now how’s that for subtle satire on Mads’ part?

I love the goats. He’s not necessarily overweight by the way. Mads. One of the things I read when I did goat research the other day was that pygmies are just built that way. Wide. It’s natural. Okay, he could probably still stand to lose a little. But it’s good to know that he’s not morbidly obese after all, haha.

I got a nice compliment today. “Aw, I like talking to you. You’re like a flintstones phone”. Neato.

Also, thank you Katherine for alerting me to the latest episode of The O’Reilly Factor, the scariest comedy show on TV.

That’s all for today. Let’s hope tomorrow goes well. I hope no one has taken my computer.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 25th, 2005 at 21:39 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

The Butt Of Many Jokes

I am a little afraid. I am not afraid to admit that. A little scared of stepping back into the real world, after the surgery. What if nothing has changed? What if everything has changed?

I am not sure what to expect, not sure how it will be. I guess I’m worried that it won’t live up to my expectations. I have imagined for so long what it would be like to step into a room and not look down on myself and feel bad. Maybe I’m worried that I’ll still feel bad.

I didn’t go to therapy on Tuesday. That was stupid of me, I’m feeling well enough to go. I should have gone. But don’t worry, I’m not quitting or anything. I will go next week for sure. Missing a couple of sessions isn’t a disaster. Especially since the surgery should do wonders for my mental health. Once I get out and about again.

Talked to Sanne on the phone. She called to ask how I was. And we agreed that I’d start at work again on Monday. As always she was very supportive. No pressure, and if I start to feel bad I can always go home again etc.

So on Monday I’ll go back into real life and we’ll see how it goes. I think it’ll go just fine. Usually when I worry about something it turns out fine.

I’m looking forward to taking a real, long, warm shower. I haven’t had a real shower since the surgery. Just washcloths and sponges and carefully aimed water streams. I wish I had a bath tub. I feel like soaking myself deep. I’m not allowed to though, not yet. But a good, long shower. That should be okay.

While I’m waiting for the real world to catch up, I have been having a good time at the playground. Going there every day. Animals and kids and sunshine.

Going there early in the day gives me the chance to see pre-schoolers come and have lunch and play.

Mrs Piggy was rolling around in the mud. “Look at that giant ugly pig, she’s smelly”. pre-schoolers don’t appreciate the quiet dignity of rolling in mud. But still fun.

Mathilde walked over to say hello. It’s amazing how she has changed. She’s so different from how she was just 5-6 months ago. Even with strangers she seems pretty confident. And with me, she’s not shy at all. I don’t have to lure her with food anymore. I can pet her any way I want, stroke her anywhere. She doesn’t mind at all. It’s wonderful. I would like to see it as a parallel of my own development. No matter how shy you are, what role you have been cast in, the shy and repressed, you can still grow out of it and learn to trust people. And have a good life.

Goats are great. I have been reading about them online. They fascinate me. They’re much more intelligent than you’d think. I saw someone compare them to dogs. They’re like dogs without the “I have to please my human” thing. They’re harder to deal with and more mischievous. But you can actually train them like you’d train a dog. You can get them to recognise and react to their own name. I wish I could do that at the playground, but obviously I don’t have the time or opportunity for that. I don’t have to use their names anyway, they come running as soon as they see me.

I learned that Mads’ “secret spot” below his throat isn’t so secret after all. It’s a common thing that goats love to be scratched there. It’s so sweet, when I scratch Mads there he just stops whatever he’s doing and gazes off into the distance with this pleasured look on his face. Haha. It’s great.

A lot of the things that I read, I knew already. Like the head butting. How the kids butt for play. And then when they grow up they butt for status and leadership in the flock. That’s what Mads always does. Asserts his dominance. He’s the leader and he wants everyone to know it.

Magnethe has started butting a lot more too. I actually saw her butting Mathilde today. They were clashing horns. I have never seen that before. I have only seen them do it with Mads, not together. I think it happened because Magnethe wanted to have a drink. And I guess Mathilde thinks she’s getting too old for that. So she was all like “No more milk for you, I’m cutting you off!” and Magnethe was like “But moooom, it tastes so good and all the cool kids are doing it”. Something like that. it only lasted 30 seconds then everything was idyllic once again.

But she is getting quite feisty, Magnethe. Sometimes when I turn my back on her she’ll ram into my legs. I know I’m supposed to discourage that because she’ll grow up and keep butting everyone, just like Mads. But it’s so adorable that I just can’t help but love it. And it’s not like she’s going to grow much bigger so she won’t be a danger to anyone. Plus like I said before, I can’t train them or anything. I have little time with them and there are so many people up there, lots of kids. Would be impossible for me alone to train them. I’m not good at discipline anyway. I just want to spoil them. I read about one woman who used some sort of electronic tazer or something like that. To give her goats electroshocks when they butted or did other things they weren’t supposed to. I could never do that. Maybe it’s a normal way to discipline goats, I don’t know. But I could never hurt them like that. Today there were a couple of bags of food that had holes in them and I had a hard enough time trying to keep Magnethe and Mathilde away from them. I just wanted to let them eat all they wanted there. But that wouldn’t be good for them of course. So I tried to be stern and pull them away. And then Magnethe butted me in the legs and I almost got sad because I didn’t want her to be mad at me.

I know she wasn’t mad at me though. The next moment she was running along, following me around again. She is so cute and fun and lovely.

The hardest thing is leaving. When I have to go, I always feel a little bad. Usually they will baah after me and I feel like I’m abandoning them or something. I spend an hour or two with them and we have a great time and then I have to go and they look at me like I’m their best friend and they want me to stay. And they will follow me too. See the fence there in the background in the second Magnethe picture? The gate thing is open. Yesterday when I left I closed it after me so the goats wouldn’t follow me. But Magnethe just jumped over the fence. And looked at me smuggly. “You think you can get away, mister?”. So I had to open the gate and lure her back in and close the gate and then quickly walk away before she got the idea to follow me again. Heh. It’s always a struggle to leave.

I love goats. When I grow up I want to have a goat farm. Except I probably wouldn’t have the heart to slaughter them, so I’d end up with a farm of pets and make no money. But seriously, I would like to have goats as pets. I should get myself a farm with goats and cats and dogs and horses and ducks and everything. And then make a living playing online poker or something.

There was a cat at the playground yesterday too. A sweet little one. It came up to me, meowing. Aw. Seeing a cat like that, it does highlight the difference between goats and “normal” pets. A little kitty would be a lot easier and more manageable. There’s a reason why cats and dogs are more common pets. But I love the personalities of the goats.

It was a very sweet little kitten. I sat down and it came to me. But then Mathilde came and looked at it curiously and started sniffing towards it. And I guess a big goat is a little scary to a little meowing kitten. It ran down under one of the train carriages that function as stables at the playground. I tried to find it again, but I guess it must have run out on the other side. Too bad. I wanted to cuddle it lots. I want to have an army of animals of all kinds and cuddle them all day. That would be nice.

But enough rambling. I should wrap this up. I just want to mention that I am still in awe of Lost, the TV show. I easily managed to watch the entire season 1 set before yesterday’s season 2 opener. I actually got up at 6.30 am today to start downloading the episode. That’s how much I love that show, I got up at 6.30 just because I couldn’t wait. The only other times I have gotten up that early was when I had to get up to get surgery or to travel or other important things that couldn’t be put off. But Lost just really, really fascinates me. I can’t remember ever being so excited about a TV show before. It’s a sickness, I tells ya.

And that’s all for today. Baah to you all.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 22nd, 2005 at 21:57 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Anne Says:
   September 22nd, 2005 at 23:29 e

   I Nordjylland er der gedefarme, hvor det er mælken, der gælder. Mange mælkeallergikere kan nemlig godt tåle gedemølk, ligesom gedeoste er lækre.
   Og på de vilkår er der jo ingen, der skal myrdes i første omgang. Forøvrigt er malkegeder ligeså charmerende og nysgerrige som dine venner. En farmer havde fra start gedernes stamtavle – det var før computernes indtog – liggende i staldens vindue. Og da 20 ud af 30 geder havde fået kid, åd mødrene stamtavlen…
   Og selvfølgelig vokser træerne ikke ind i himlen, men du har allerede haft så mange oplevelser og glade følelser, så det kan kun bli’ bedre end det var. Beslutningen var modig og helt rigtig.

2. Florida Girl Says:
   September 23rd, 2005 at 2:32 e

   Good luck with going back to work on Monday – but first you must enjoy the weekend!

3. milla Says:
   September 23rd, 2005 at 11:02 e

   Hey Plume :) look, I think you could actually have a goat farm, since I’ve tasted some fine goat cheese and that just might be the answer for the slaughtering inconvenience :D I seriously don’t know what I just said, but I hope you got my idea ;)

   I’m also wishing you a great weekend and a very bright and sunny day on Monday ;)

   Skol! ;)

4. Katherine Says:
   September 24th, 2005 at 4:15 e

   Goat Feta cheese is very good. I think most animals when we get to know them are fine people… Kurt Vonnegut said he thinks mother earth is trying to devise ways to eliminate humans because we’re just mean animals…not good for the earth at all. I’d like to think some of us are good and some are not so good…maybe mother earth could selectively wipe out the bad harmful humans and keep the good ones.

   The 1st episode of the second season of Lost was a humdinger. Never a dull moment and full of surprises. I wonder if they’re writing it as they go along or if it’s all plotted out in advance. I like that show, too.

5. Katherine Says:
   September 24th, 2005 at 8:44 e

   P.S. One thing I’m really glad about is that you never question your love for the goats and the other animals…you accept it. The way you feel about the goats is the way I feel about elephants. Sometimes I wonder if people think I’m a little nuts for being so passionate about elephants and other wildlife but as time goes on I care less about that because I know how special and important all the other creatures on this planet are. When people say animals are stupid compared to human beings I have to laugh. Human beings have perfected stupidity. Like you, I’ve been healed by animals…elephants have helped me to be more courageous and more sure of myself and a better person. I’ve never thought you needed to become a “better” person because you’re very kind and compassionate – a gentle person, but it’s nice to see you happy and liking yourself more and more. It’s no accident the goats have accepted you. They SEE you. Smart, they are.

Free Like The Bird

So on Friday I went back to the hospital. Which looks like this by the way:

Did I already post a picture of it? Oh well, nevermind. There it is in any case. A very nice place.

The head nurse took a good look at me and removed the stitches. It didn’t hurt much but it was rather unpleasant anyway. Just imagine having threads being pulled out of you, isn’t that a revolting development?

Nah, it was okay. And the nurse said that the whole thing looked really good. I have to take her word for it. She gave me a hand mirror so I could see myself and what I saw were red, bloody lines. Fresh scars. Didn’t look especially great to me. But it takes time of course, and the fact that the nurse said it looked good hopefully means it will end up looking… good.

Now I’m done at the hospital. I think there will be a checkup in 6 months time. But for now I just have to wear some small “angel hair” bandages and that darn vest for a few months. The hardest parts are over. I’m sleeping better too. I can lie on my side now. Makes a huge difference. I really can’t sleep on my back. Don’t ask me why.

I am so incredibly happy with all this. I’m so glad I did it. Today I took out the trash. Went down to the disposal place. Didn’t put on a jacket. I can walk outside without a jacket on now. What wonder.

I remember a few years ago, when I started working at the Barn. I couldn’t even take my jacket off inside back then. I wore it all the time. Slowly, slowly I began to take it off at lunch. It took a long, long time before I could go around inside without wearing a jacket all the time. Now it all feels different. My jacket was my protection, now I don’t need to be protected.

What a great feeling.

After the hospital visit I went to the playground to see the animals. And the sweetest thing happened.

Mads was lying down on his side.

I love when he does that, it looks so funny. He doesn’t do it too often though. Not completely on his side.

I was sitting right next to him. Sitting against a tree. And scratching his belly. I think he was enjoying it. He sort of moved around. Moving his head about. And eventually he manoeuvred himself into a position where his head was lying in my lap. Aw. That was great. I couldn’t really get a good picture of it unfortunately.

This was the closest I got:

You can see my shoe there on the right. A little bit of my arm around his neck. And his head is in my lap. How incredibly sweet. Is that normal, that goats will lie down with their heads in people’s laps? I don’t know. I recommend it though, it was very cute. It really felt like he was my pet or something. Sitting with a kitten or a pup on your lap.

It was great.

He has a funny little ritual when he lies down. Mads. He sort of digs in the ground. Digging away some of the dirt before he sits or lies down. I made a video of it. Fun stuff.

When I started leaving Magnethe was watching me. And as I turned left and walked down the path she came running in full force, baahing her little lungs out. Like she didn’t want me to leave. It’s good to feel appreciated.

What sweeties they are.

I must mention another sweet thing. I must thank Milla. I got a wonderful letter from her today. With postcards from Vilnius. And a beautiful letter it was. Thank you Milla, that made me happy!

I am blessed in many ways.

I don’t, however, know how to hang a zebra rug on the wall.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 18th, 2005 at 22:50 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Blog News Says:
   September 19th, 2005 at 0:18 e

   Blog News har linket til Free Like The Bird. vi er en gruppe blogger som udover at være linket til weblog kan du læse nyheder på forskellige sprog også på dansk. For at støtte os Kulturelt, link blog news til din weblog eller brug vores logo. tak

2. meredith Says:
   September 19th, 2005 at 2:34 e

   and i have finally caught up. and i am so unbelievably proud of you. you have grace and courage that is SO rare. i love you so much. xox

3. milla Says:
   September 19th, 2005 at 13:59 e

   I’m glad you liked it dear Plume! :)))))))

   All best wishes from me to sweet you,
   Mills

4. Florida Girl Says:
   September 20th, 2005 at 0:29 e

   Good to hear that you are recovering nicely from your surgery and that you are happy with the results.
   I love the pictures of Mads.
   Magnethe is getting so big!

Lovely As A Wish Granted True

Time for the surgery story. I’ll just throw something quick together from my notes.

Yes, I have notes. I brought a notebook. I didn’t use it though. When I got back to my room after the operation, the nurse got me some stuff from my bag. But she didn’t get my notebook. And I didn’t feel like bothering her, so I started writing down notes in my copy of Brian Aldiss’ “Supertoys Last All Summer Long – and other stories of future time”. As it says on the cover “Now filmed as Steven Spielberg’s A.I.”. So that’s some fancy notebook I have. Don’t worry, it’s just a cheap secondhand copy. And I only wrote in the back.

Didn’t get to read it though.

You and I are real, Teddy, aren’t we?

It all started off rather peacefully. I went to the hospital on my own, with a little bag with books and music and other small trinkets. I had to wait a little bit while the nurses and doctors had a morning meeting. It’s a small place. A small private hospital, not a big general one.

The doctor soon came and introduced himself. Torben Møller-Christensen. We talked briefly and then one of the nurses took over. Brought me to my room. It was a double room, two beds. But luckily I got it all to myself. That was good. I would have felt a lot less comfortable if I had had to share it with someone else.

We didn’t waste any time, started prepping me for the operation right away. I had to take some pills, painkillers. And that was a problem. I normally don’t have a problem swallowing pills. Unless I really, really have to swallow pills. Then I get a problem. Go figure. I know it’s all psychological. But I just get incapable of getting those little things down. And it was complicated by the fact that I wasn’t allowed to drink before the operation. I could only get one, very small, glass of water.

For a while I thought we’d just have to call the whole thing off. But finally I managed to get the pills down. Phew. The hardest part was over. Haha.

I got out of my clothes and into a hospital gown thing. Luckily not one of those things I see on American TV, with the butt showing you know. I got to keep my butt to myself.

The doctor came and started drawing on my upper body. Always easier when you have instructions to follow. “Cut here, tighten here, tuck there”.

Got into the surgery room. That was the hardest part. Just when I got in there. Seeing the doctor, the anesthesiologist and a couple of nurses. And surgical instruments. I got quite scared right there. And when I layed down and looked up at the bright lights I was thinking things like “Oh no, this is a mistake. I can’t do this”. Luckily you don’t have much choice at that point. The nurse stuck a needle in me. I don’t know what it’s called. A drain? A drop? I can’t remember. But apparently they were filling me up with salt water or saline solution or something or other. I forget the details. Then the nurse told me that I would be anesthetized. From my extensive research (in American drama series) I had gotten the impression that they would slip a big gas mask over my head and I’d count down from 10 and pass out from the gas in the mask. Not quite how it happened. They did have that gas mask thingie, but that was just to get as pure oxygen as possible in my blood. Or something like that. The anesthetic itself came though the needle. I didn’t have to count or anything. The nurse asked if I could feel anything happening. I said no. But then shortly after that I felt it coming. Washing over me. Like a huge, comfy blanket. Smothering me in marshmallowy softness. And I went out like a light.

I loved that. It was a really funny and nice feeling. I have always wondered about how the last moments before you fall asleep are. But I can never remember. When I wake up in the morning I can never remember the feeling. I can never remember what my last thoughts were before I fell asleep. I always wonder if you sort of gradually space out or if it’s like flipping a switch on/off. Not that being anesthetized is like falling asleep exactly. But I remember the feeling, I remember my thoughts. I remember drifting off into the great beyond. I liked that alot.

An undertermined amount of time later I woke up again. Slowly regaining my senses. Still in the operating room. A nurse somewhere in the blurry part of the room asked how I was. And if there was anything I wanted. And for some reason the first thing that came to my mind was that I wanted her to take a picture of me there. I tried to tell her that, but I’m not sure how coherent I was. A strange feeling. My head felt clear, my mind fast. But my actions were sort of trying to catch up. Like running in water.

The nurse carted me back to my room. And she took a couple of pictures of me with my camera.

I got some more pain killers. And then I think I slept for a while. Rested. At some point the nurse came and gave me some crackers and apple slices. It reminded me of Magnethe. Chewing apple slices.

The doctor came and talked to me. The nurse too. Everyone was very nice. I was very tired. Drowsy. There was a little pain, but nothing too bad.

The bed had a mechanical control. Bed goes up, bed goes down, bed goes up, bed goes down. There was a TV on the wall. The nurse gave me the remote. Only 2 channels, I guess they couldn’t afford cable. There was a clock on the wall, next to the TV. But the time was off. No batteries left. So the nurse took it down and went to get new batteries.

I only left the bed once that day. To go the bathroom. I felt like a mummy. Gauze strapped around my chest. My arms wavering in front of me because I couldn’t really move them much.

The rest of the time I spent in bed, dozing in and out of sleep. Watching TV. With only two channels and it being early in the day there really wasn’t much to watch. The Cosby Show. Family Ties. Ancient sitcoms on perpetual repeat.

The morning nurse was replaced by the evening nurse. She was very nice too. It was a good feeling, being taken care off. All I had to do was lift the phone and I could get help. Or something to drink. Or whatever. It wasn’t anywhere near as hard as I had imagined. I was tired, carefree and comfy. Not too shabby.

At some point the doctor came and talked to me. He told me that they had removed 330 grams from one breast, 430 from the other. 760 grammes all in all. That’s a fair bit.

In the evening I watched soccer. Denmark-Georgia. The nurse was following the game too. She came and gave me a little bowl of ice cream. And a glass of cola. Which she refilled for me a couple of times. They scored a goal while she was getting me cola. Quite funny. “What, they scored already? I guess you were right”. She had asked me who I thought would win. I had said Denmark. Of course. We won 6-1.

After the game I went to sleep. That was around 10 pm. A long day.

The next morning the night nurse came and removed the gauze. Instead I had to put on this tight vest thing that I’m still wearing. Sort of a cross between a vest and a sports bra.

I went and looked in the mirror. Even with the swelling and the vest it still looked… almost flat. Like a whole new person.

Soon after that my mother came and helped me get home.

…And now it’s more than a week later. Tomorrow I’m going back to the hospital to get the stitches removed. So far I am extremely happy with how everything have gone. I already feel better about myself, and that was the main point of having this done. I almost can’t believe that this has happened. It was worth the wait.

The end.

Oh and don’t worry about the passworded entry. There’s nothing there yet. I’ll get back to that later.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 15th, 2005 at 23:36 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Katherine Says:
   September 16th, 2005 at 2:40 e

   Beautifully conveyed. It sounds like a very nice hospital. A home away from home. Thank god, we’re not living in the middle ages when an anaesthetic was a…wait, there was no anaesthetic! No tv or nice nurses either.

2. Valja Says:
   September 16th, 2005 at 23:53 e

   You took notes! I’m so impressed. That’s dedication, alright. Everything sounded so cozy and friendly — I guess that’s the difference between a small private hospital and the big general ones that I’ve been in. And they even gave you ice cream :) . I’m glad this whole thing has been such a positive experience for you, Plume. Three cheers for self-improvement!

   ps: it’s a saline drip. (to keep you hydrated I think.)

3. Zebra Says:
   September 18th, 2005 at 16:09 e

   I just found your blog by accident while looking for information on how to hang a zebra rug on the wall. (Don’t ask) Well, I must say I’m impressed, both of your language skills and your writing. Have you ever thought about becoming a writer?? I’m also admire your honesty and putting your life out there for others to read.
   I just have one qustion that I hope you can answer me;
   You wouldn’t know, by any chance, how to hang a zebrarug on the wall??

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This entry was posted on Thursday, September 15th, 2005 at 0:36 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

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Tabula Rasa

I know, I know. I promised the dramatic, bloody surgery story.

But instead I’ll tell you how nice it is to go to the playground.

Sit in the shade of a big tree.

Scratch Mads behind the ears.

And watch life go by.

Listening to the geesers.

A beautiful, mild summer day.

It is a very good feeling. I could sit there all day.

Updated the video section.

Two videos of the goats greeting me. The second one is especially nice. It’s so sweet when I walk into the playground and hear them baahing to me. And then seeing them come. It’s my favourite thing in the world. Also a blooper. It reminds me of one of the bloopers on the Lost DVDs. Where the camera bumps into Maggie Grace’s head. And finally a little Mads. Closeup half baahing using only the upper lip. Fun stuff.

I’m loving my Lost DVDs by the way. My favourite drama show by far. I love the rain. Kate in the rain after Jack tells her that he saw her mugshot. Locke sitting down and opening his arms to the rain as everyone else is running for cover. Rain is beautiful.

And Hurley’s walkman scenes. I’ll finish today with the lyrics to the song he was playing in the episode I watched earlier. Quite beautiful.

Wash Away
Performed by Joe Purdy

I got troubles, lord, but not today
‘Cause they’re gonna wash away
They’re gonna wash away

And I have sins, lord, but not today
‘Cause they’re gonna wash away
They’re gonna wash away

And I have friends, lord, but not today
‘Cause they done washed away
They done washed away

Lord, I’ve been crying alone
I’ve been crying alone
No, no more crying alone
no, no more crying here.

We get lonely, lord, but not today
Cause we’re gonna wash away
We’re gonna wash away

I got troubles, lord, but not today
Cause they’re gonna wash away
This old river’s gonna take them away

Now, bloody drama coming soon. I swear

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 13th, 2005 at 23:05 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.