In A Winter Wonderland

Alritey then. Picture time.

First off we have a little funny scene from Friday.

I was watching the goats eat. Marvelling at how they can get through a bucket of chow in no time. Mathilde literally buried her head in a bucket and ate and ate. And somehow she managed to get the handle of the bucket around her neck. So when she lifted her head up, the bucket was hanging around her neck almost like a necklace.

Hah. There Magnethe is trying to get her face into the bucket too.

She didn’t seem to mind too much, Mathilde. Eventually I got her to come over to me and got the bucket off her. Fun stuff.

Yesterday I got to feed the goats. Officially, I mean. Jannie and her family was there, feeding all the animals. I went into the goats’ pen and stayed with them for a while. And then when Jannie came with their food she asked if I wanted to feed them. So I did. It’s not like it’s a big task. She handed me a bucket of goat food mixture and I distributed into the buckets in the pen. Of course the goats don’t want to wait till the food is in their appropriate buckets, they want to eat it immediately, out of the bucket in your hand. But I managed to do it. And it was nice, helping out like that. I also hand fed them a bit. Picked up a handfull from a bucket and then let them eat it out of my hand. Funny, they can eat down a whole handfull without stopping to breathe.

A good time. And then I went for a walk in the park. A beautiful winter day. Foggy and frozen.

I took pictures, of course. I am quite happy with them. I’m not saying they’re great or anything. But I love the winter and these capture the mood of my walk quite nicely I think.

When it’s summer I will look at these pictures and sigh to myself.

Few more pictures. Remember that you can click on them if you want to see full size versions.

A tree at the church.

And a duck at the playground. It always sits in that spot, on the fence.

And a couple more snowscenes:

There. All done.

I am currently considering whether I should buy the Don Rosa Hall of Fame books. I said the other day that I wanted to dig my old Don Rosa comics out, but I can’t find them. I think I might have thrown them out when I was young and stupid. I could buy the Hall of Fame books, but there are 3 volumes already. It would be something like 600 kroners. With more volumes in the future. That’s a lot of money for comics. Still, I love Don Rosa’s stories. I don’t know. There’s a comicbook store right next to my workplace. Maybe I’ll stop in there, I think they have used books too. Maybe I can find a good deal.

That’s all folks. I would appreciate it if one or two of you out there would try to leave a comment on the entry, just so I can see that it’s all working with the spam filter and such.

Thank you.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 29th, 2006 at 20:40 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. jeanine Says:
   January 29th, 2006 at 22:59 e

   wow. ASTONISHING PICTURES!! beautiful! it looks like you went on the set of the lion, the witch and the warbrode to take pictures.

   Hey, I don’t know if you still collect postcards. We exchanged postcards a while back. I have a pseudonym: harriet m. welsch. I’m not sure if I used that name or my real name. hmp. anyway, would you like to receive another postcard? if so, email me your address :)

2. Valja Says:
   January 29th, 2006 at 23:17 e

   Here’s your comment — lovely pics! Hope you get to enjoy more picturesque walks in the snow. It only snowed here for a few minutes on Friday and I was in my room so I missed it …. oh well.

3. Milla Says:
   January 30th, 2006 at 14:26 e

   Hello ;) the pictures were awesome! some of them with Magnethe and the bucket were hillarious :D she’s very cute. hmmm, the duck might be frozen to that place, maybe someone should check on her. but it’s more likely that she simply enjoys that place :D

   ok, gotta run. have a great monday ;)

4. Milla Says:
   January 30th, 2006 at 14:27 e

   oops, pardon, Mathilde! so good she can’t read :) shame on me.

5. Milla Says:
   January 30th, 2006 at 14:31 e

   p.s. is that toilet paper hanging in the backround? cool :D

   ok, this time I’m really out ;)

6. hanne Says:
   January 30th, 2006 at 21:00 e

   hey can we talk some time soon? :)
   but, not on tuesdays or thursdays
   working too much, sorry!

7. Anne Says:
   January 31st, 2006 at 1:31 e

   Det er åbenbart kun, når jeg skriver langt, det går galt.

8. Katherine Says:
   January 31st, 2006 at 8:05 e

   I really envy you your winter. Those photos are like a dreamscape. Such pretty muted colours. It almost looks warm, not cold. It’s been pouring down rain here every day for two months. Yuck. I miss snow but you can’t make it snow in a rainforest.

   It seems like you’re having a really great winter this year, eh? Usually the snow melts quickly doesn’t it?

   I love the photos of Mathilde in bucket heaven. Yes, funny how animals big and small love buckets as long as they have food. Magnethe is looking HUGE, as big as her mom. I guess she’s all grown up now physically but she’ll always be the baby.

   “Funny, they can eat down a whole handfull without stopping to breathe.” Reminds me of how Tina INHALED the food I brough her. She could put a whole anything in her mouth and make it disappear in five seconds. Good thing elephants aren’t carnivores or we’d be toast!

9. Plume at work dot com Says:
   January 31st, 2006 at 9:14 e

   THis is a test I am testing to test the tested testingness wouldn’t you like to know what I’m testing? There is much to test I will copy paste too so don’t be confused I like snow, snow is pretty and I like the feeling of cold crisp air I want to go home I had a dreamt hat made me cry if you cery for me argentineeeeaaaaaaa
   girls are pretty and so are goats, altohugh in very different ways and why save electricity? There’s lost tomorrow I am lost without lost oh I am tired I am testing.
   snow is pretty and I like the feeling of cold crisp air I want to go home I had a dreamt hat made me cry if you cery for me argentineeeeaaaaaaa
   girls are pretty and so are goats, altohugh There is much to test I will copy paste too so don’t be confused I like snow, snow is pretty and I like the feeling of cold crisp air I want to go home I had a dreamt hat made me cry if you cery for me argentineeeeaaaaaaa
   so are goats, altohugh There is much to test I will copy paste too so don’t be confused I like snow, snow is pretty and I like the feeling of cold crisp air I want to go home I had a dreamt hat made me cry if you cery for me argentineeeeaaaaaaa
   go home I had a dreamt hat made me cry if you cery for me argentineeeeaaaaaaa
   so are goats, altohugh There is much to test I will copy paste too so don’t be confused I like snow, snow is pretty
   is pretty and I like the feeling of cold crisp air I want to go home I had a dreamt hat made me cry if you cery for me argentineeeeaaaaaaa
   go home I had a dreamt hat made me cry if you cery for me argentineeeeaaaaaaa
   so are goats, altohugh There is much to test I will copy paste too so don’t be confused I like snow, snow is
   feeling of cold crisp air I want to go home I had a dreamt hat made me cry if you cery for me argentineeeeaaaaaaa
   go home I had a dreamt hat made me cry if you cery for me argentineeeeaaaaaaa
   so are goats, altohugh There is much to test I will copy paste too so don’t be confused I like snow, snow

Service Announcement

I have been getting enormous amounts of spam. So I tried fiddling with a spam filter. It worked so well that all comments where denied, whether they were spam or not. So if you have left a comment in the blog the last day or two it has probably been swallowed whole and is gone. Without me getting to read it, sniffle. The filter oughta be working now though (Thanks for the help Maria), so feel free to leave me loads of comments.

I have had a nice day today. Frost and fog and animals. I will write about it tonight, or possibly tomorrow. I have a lot of pictures to process, it might take a while. But at least you have something to look forward to.

Oh by the way, if any of you happen to see Moomincat out on some great adventure, could you tell him to stop by my house again soon? I miss him terribly.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 28th, 2006 at 14:55 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Plume Says:
   January 28th, 2006 at 15:01 e

   Bloody good job old chap

2. Plume Says:
   January 29th, 2006 at 9:24 e

   cough

Axel F Theme

Someone likes the snow. No, I’m not talking about Plume. I’m talking about Sine, the horse.

She was rolling back and forth in the snow, but of course she decided to get up when I went over to take pictures. So I only managed a few quick, random shots. Still fun though.

Lovely girl.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 27th, 2006 at 21:27 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Anne Says:
   January 28th, 2006 at 0:15 e

   Jeg ville kun sige, at ungdomsbilledet af mumikatten næsten helt afslører, at det er en han. Og så er jeg enig med mange af dine andre læsere, og forøvrigt skal Magnethe måske ha’ små til foråret, så…Det kan også være manglen på lys, så ud i vejret.

2. Anne Says:
   January 28th, 2006 at 0:16 e

   Jeg ville kun sige, at ungdomsbilledet af mumikatten næsten helt afslører, at det er en han. Og så er jeg enig med mange af dine andre læsere, og forøvrigt skal Magnethe måske ha’ små til foråret, så…Det kan også være manglen på lys, så ud i vejret.

3. Anne Says:
   January 28th, 2006 at 0:16 e

   Jeg ville kun sige, at ungdomsbilledet af mumikatten næsten helt afslører, at det er en han. Og så er jeg enig med mange af dine andre læsere, og forøvrigt skal Magnethe måske ha’ små til foråret, så…Det kan også være manglen på lys, så ud i vejret.

4. Emma Says:
   January 28th, 2006 at 11:32 e

   oooh, a fjordhorse.. my favourite. so beautiful!!

5. Milla Says:
   January 28th, 2006 at 11:55 e

   What a cutie! Moments like these always remind me of the funny dog from K-9 rolling around on the grass to the ‘I feel goooood’ tunes :)

6. Milla Says:
   January 28th, 2006 at 11:57 e

   What a cutie! Moments like thses remind me of the funny dog from K-9, when he was rolling on the grass to the ‘I feel goooood’ tunes :)

   Lovely indeed :)))

7. Milla Says:
   January 30th, 2006 at 14:29 e

   the horsy is a cutie pie :))) reminds me of the moments from K-9 movie, where the dog was rolling on the grass to the ‘I feel good’ tunes :) lovely!

Snow Brigade

Twas a cold and grey morning today. The snow falling. City lights and headlights. People wrapped up in big, warm clothes.

I love walking in the snow. I had Mew’s Snow Brigade playing on the MP3 player. I would say it was a great coincidence, but I purposely set it to play that song. Sometimes you have to take destiny into your own hands.

Work was… different. Sanne was back from being sick. She picked the wrong day to come back. Everything was down. Internet, intranet, printer. Nothing worked. I needed to burn the files for our monthly poster on a CD, but you might remember that I switched computers? There’s no CD burner in the computer I have now. And since the entire network was down I couldn’t move the files to another computer.

Anders slept in, Søren, Ole and Kenneth were sick. Sanne still half-sick, and me tired. Sanne had to call Kenneth to work, he’s the computer techie. So he came to work sick and ran around trying to get things to work.

I twiddled my thumb for a while.

Watched Plume videos.

Watched the snow falling.

Eventually the office network came back and I moved the files and burnt them and then I went out in the snow to deliver the CD to the graphics place, where they print our posters.

After work I went to the playground and had fun with the goats. Katherine, you really hit the nail on the head with your description of Magnethe wondering why I didn’t come anymore. Aw that darn near broke my heart. Good guilt trip! Thank you guys, for being there and for listening.

Tonight I’m going to go to bed with a moomintroll book and a cup of warm chicken soup. With the window open and the coldness of winter in the air. That is one of my favourite places to be, under a warm blanket in a cold room with the snow outside.

In other news: Tina Dickow’s In The Red was realeased today in America. Great music from a great girl. The album just went gold in Denmark and also she was nominated for three Danish Music Awards (the Danish Grammies). So check it out now, funk soul brother. As it says on her site, the title track of the album is Free Download Of The Week on iTunes, so give that a try if you’re connected.

And that’s the end of that one.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 25th, 2006 at 21:12 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Anne Says:
   January 27th, 2006 at 13:56 e

   Dette er en prøve – du hører mere, hvis den virker.

Diamonds + Pearls

What a beautiful day. Lots of snow on the ground. The sun shining almost all day. Cold and beautiful.

And the ice. Remember a couple of nights ago there was a big storm and the next day ice was falling everywhere? From trees and windows and walls and doors and fences and bushes. Crashing ice. And today the ice was still there. Like a million diamonds sparkling in the sunshine. Lying in the snow. Absolutely beautiful. I don’t remember seeing anything like it before, not in recent times when I would have appreciated it anyway.

I have taken pictures. They don’t really do it justice, but you can get an idea.

I know we humans need the sunshine, but to me there is no season as beautiful as winter.

And when you have snow + sun then it’s just perfect.

I’m feeling better. It was good to get out and about. I have missed three days of work and then it’s been weekend. I have been a little sick and a lot depressed. Being shut inside doesn’t help. It got worst on Saturday when I started reading the alt.suicide.methods newsgroup. And then researched hypothermia. Dying in the snow always seemed romantic to me. And right now would be the time, last night it was -16 degrees. And I just heard on the news that hundreds of people have died in the winter here in Europe. The massive cold. Of course those are mostly old and frail people, not people with corpular insulation like mine.

It’s hard to write about, because I don’t want to sound completely pathetic. I am not fishing for pity and I am not needing to be talked off the ledge. But on the other hand it is serious because I was seriously thinking about it and looking at methods. And I want to be open about it. That’s the best way to deal with it I guess, not locking it inside.

When I think about suicide I always end up thinking about what I would write here. Not what I would write in a letter to my family, no what I would write in my blog. What does that say about my life?

Well, at least it says that I know some wonderful people online, people that I don’t want to hurt or let down. And that’s a good thing.

Suicide isn’t as easy as you’d think, thank god. Or maybe it’s just that I still have a will to live.

Let’s not be depressed. It was good to get out. Catch up on overdue work. And back to the playground. Because of the snowstorming and the depression I hadn’t seen the goats since Thursday. Much too long.

I still know how to smile.¨And Mads still knows how to look devilish.

Sometimes he just stares off into the distance. I like that. I wonder what goes on in his head.

Beautiful Magnethe in the beautiful snow.

The snow is hard. There’s a top layer of almost ice. Not watery ice, like the diamonds. But snow that’s frozen solid. It makes it hard to walk around in it. Not least for the animals. The goats had kept to the sides of their fold, so the center was untouched snow. I walked around in it a little, and the goats followed me. When they stepped on the snow they would break through the solid top layer. Hard for them to walk like that, staggering forward, every step crunching through the ice. Extremely cute to watch too though. A little like Bambi on ice, only their legs punching through the ice instead of sliding around.

I went and got a blanket in the rabbit house. Per had told me that I could use it when I wanted. Handy. The bench had a big layer of snow and the ice on top. So I had to clear out a spot for me. And then Mads of course jumped up next to me, ice and snow flying everywhere.

It’s not all so bad. It’s only in my head.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 23rd, 2006 at 21:19 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Maile Says:
   January 24th, 2006 at 0:49 e

   it took me a long time to realize that life is worth living. and even now i wonder sometimes. i have researched methods and such too. and that’s always not a good sign. but at the same time. it’s better to fantasize about it than to actually do it. hang in there. there are many beautiful things in the world worth seeing and experiencing. like snowstorms and pretty girls and rainbows and goats and moomincats. sometimes i get into a funk. i’m pretty funky right now actually, and it’s probably time for me to start looking for a new therapist. so i’m going to have to do that. put your courage in the sticking place. love ya!

2. Milla Says:
   January 24th, 2006 at 18:35 e

   Hi there Plume. Been there, done that too. But in the end, the thought that always helped me to hang in there was that, for one reason or the other, this stuff is kinda selfish. I didn’t give myself life, so to take it isn’t in my competence either. Plus, there are a lot of people out there, who care for your well-being. It’s a great thing that you let us share this period of your life & I believe I could have been a lot better off if I wasn’t afraid of talking about it openly. There isn’t a single human being on this planet that hasn’t thought about disappearing at one or another stage in their lives, and of that i’m sure. And what helped them get through these rough periods was… hope & the will to live. And you’ve got that in you Plume, I know you do. Remember, time is a healer and as Maile mentioned, too many beautiful things are around & there are still lots of them to see. I think that consulting your therapist (I like to call mine ‘the wizard of Oz’ :) could be a good idea at this time. Just tell me if you need a good kick in the behind to do that, I’m always there at your service ;) I’m going to my therapist next week, because right now I’m kinda confused of which road to take in my relationships with people & studies. She’s like my personal coach of the inside & I really hope she can give me some good advice. Hey, if I don’t give that lady a visit, I’ll never know.

   Amigo, I hope I didn’t sound like a moralising old lady, but remember, I’m here for leaving long & friendly comments ;)

   p.s. the pics are magnificent!

   p.p.s. hugs n kisses

   Mills

3. Milla Says:
   January 24th, 2006 at 18:36 e

   oh, and…

   p.p.p.s. Maile, good luck! :)

4. Debbie Says:
   January 28th, 2006 at 5:29 e

   Plume I found your website thru bbbbbbbbbbabyannnimals. I’d written in your journal before or I left some sort of note. I am writing you to tell you about my heartbreak that my 14 yr old son left me with after he hung himself. No – I am not talking you off the ledge there are times when I would join you on that ledge, but just to hold you and tell you the hurt I have gone through for 3 yrs since he has been gone. You remind me alot of him with your ruddy cheeks. Your journal is fabulous and being from New Mexico it is just amazing I love your diamonds and pearls pictures. I have cried every day for 3 years for my son. I don’t know why I’m writing this maybe just to say if you were to complete sucide I would miss your lovely journal thats all. A friend in New Mexico

Happy Thoughts And Jellybeans

Sneen falder så sagte.

I haven’t seen Moomincat but…

I have a feeling he’s been around.

I feel like digging out my old collection of Don Rosa comics. I’m sure I still have them somewhere, probably in the bottom drawer in my room. Like many other of my possessions they are old and falling apart, but also full of good memories. I think I might be addicted to nostalgia.

Meanwhile…

Det eneste hun ville var
at danse bare en enkelt nat
drømme uden at vågne op igen

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 22nd, 2006 at 20:27 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

Geronimo Jackson And Zeeke’s Shotgun Wedding

The sound of falling snow.

Or rather, the sound of falling ice. All day. It sounds like the world is falling apart. Last night there was a big storm. Everything was covered by ice. Literally big chunks of ice on the walls and doors and windows and everywhere. And then daylight came and all the ice is falling. Falling from everywhere. From trees and rooftops and fences. Falling from the sky down on the snow on the ground. Only the top of the snow has frozen almost to ice as well. So ice falling on ice. All day. I was lying in bed, trying to sleep. And it sounded like people running outside. Chunks of ice falling on snow and ice, like loud footsteps.

And powerful winds. Blowing the snow around. I think it’s raining now. Frightful weather. I hope the snow won’t be completely washed away. I didn’t go out and play in it today, my stomach was hurting. Plus I didn’t want blocks of ice falling from the sky onto my head.

I haven’t seen Moomincat. I hope he’s home and safe from the weather. I keep my window open as much as I can, just in case he’d stop by and need a warm bed. I can always use a warm cat.

My brother’s birthday. Because both he and my mother worked nightshift today we will celebrate tomorrow instead. But I did give him his present, the Elvis CD. And he was happy with it, so that was good. No love lost.

I like talking to Moomincat. You might remember that I like to meow. A couple of days ago, Moomincat was sitting on the floor and I meowed at him and he meowed back and I meowed in response and he walked up to me and meowed. I don’t know what we talked about, but it was funny nonetheless. I like that he responds to me. Animal voices are soothing.

I hope I can get a cat like Moomincat when I move out on my own. He seems perfect for me.

Speaking of great actors on Lost, I love MC Gainey. He should get a Golden Globe for Best Beard In a Live Action Drama. And also Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (or Adebisi as I always want to call him, his character from OZ). I hope Gainey will get more screentime. Oh also the guy who plays Desmond, those are three great season 2 characters.

It’s my birthday in two months, you should all get together and pool your money and buy me a helicopter.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 20th, 2006 at 21:52 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Erathan Says:
   January 25th, 2006 at 19:52 e

   what is this? A poem? a song lyrics?

Snickerdoodles

It has been snowing all day, pretty much. Very beautiful and calming. I haven’t been out in it though, been feeling sick. But I have watched it through our windows. And the little kid inside me is yelling loudly. “Go out and play in the snow, Plume! So what if your fingers freeze off and you get pneumonia and asteroids fall on your heads! It’s snow, all pretty and glistening and waiting for you”. My little kid isn’t the smartest kid in the world, but that’s okay. Who wants to grow up and be a smart adult? Where is the fun in that?

Do you remember that cartoon with the snowman that comes alive and flies away with the boy? I used to watch it every christmas. I feel like watching it now. Or just… building a snowman.

It’s my brother’s birthday tomorrow. He’ll be 26. Gosh. I guess when I look at him I only see his inner kid. I made a present for him. An Elvis CD. Following on the success of the Willie Nelson CDs I made for my mother last year. Peter loves Elvis. I don’t know if he’s really into live music, but it’s an “official” bootleg so the quality is great. The artwork sucks, but that’s not my fault. That’s the fault of our ancient and barely-functioning printer. I hope he’ll like it. It’s the thought that counts though. Just making the effort and giving him something, that’s good. My mother complimented me on it tonight. We are not the closest family. At least I am not the closest family member. Every little thing counts.

Tomorrow I’ll go play in the snow.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 19th, 2006 at 21:46 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

I Believe I Can’t Fly

Unexpected snowfall last night.

And how sweet it is. The beautiful snow.

I am the Snow-weatherman.

I love how cars look, covered in snow. I’m sure it’s less fun if you actually own a car. But it always makes me want to get in and sit in the car, in the dark, windows covered by the snow. Maybe I should just build a snow fortress?

Rewind a couple of days. Before the snow fell. Let’s all go to the playground, get ourselves a treat.

The lambs. The big Prince and the little twins. They are baahing a lot more now. And they sound like sheep, not like otherwordly staccato robots. You have missed some videos if you don’t understand what I mean.

It’s great to see them grow. Like Magnethe.

Pretty Magnethe. I love her voice, it makes me feel okay.

I like how the goats baah. With their tongues out like that. It reminds me of The Simpsons, their characters always have their tongues out when they scream. vis-a-vis.

Mads on the bench. I think that’s his favourite place to be. Not just when I’m around. When I get there he’s already up on the bench. A nice throne from which he can oversee his kingdom.

Fast-forward back to today.

Mathilde. Sweet girl.

And naughty. I think I said so already, but you can never-ever have your bags in peace when there are goats around. I put the bag over in the corner, then I go and sit down on the bench and get the goats to come over there with me. But eventually, inevitably, one of them goes over to snoop in the bag. And it doesn’t matter if there’s any food in there. If there’s no food in the bag then they just start chewing on the bag itself.

Moomincat paid a visit, after a couple of days’ abscense. He’s such a beautiful cat.

I’m still not completely sure he’s a he, but Anne said so and she knows a lot more about animals than I do. And he does look rather princely.

Peter saw him. My brother. I didn’t know Moomincat was in my room, when I opened the door he just slipped out and went in to the living room. Much to my brother’s surprise. “Since when do you keep a cat, Lasse?” he asked. And I explained that it wasn’t my cat. Then I picked him up and carried him into my room and sat down with him and wished he was my cat.

I fell asleep while Moomincat slept in a cardboard box, at least I think he slept. When the alarm rang I got up and couldn’t see him anywhere. But then he started meowing, he was still in the box. (The box was in a little sort of alcove or such, so I couldn’t see it from my bed). Then he came out and jumped up on my bed. So I think we were both napping. I would have preferred him to sleep on my bed, but who am I to take him away from such a lovely cardboard box? Just knowing he was in the room was a nice feeling.

It is odd. Life. I have these things that make me incredibly happy. Moomincat. The goats. Reading again. The snow. I should be happier than ever, but I am not. I feel sad and tired mostly. I think I will have to go to my doctor and talk about the medication. I looked the meds I currently take up on the net and it said that the maximum dosage was 60 mg. I’m taking 40 mg tablets. Maybe it would be a good idea to up the dosage. Because they did help me for so long. I started taking them in… December 2004 I think. And I started feeling okay around January last year, when they kicked in I assume. And then for so long I was not sad, almost never depressed. But then around mid-November, I guess, the sadness came back. I had a hard time. It got better when vacation came, I took a break from it all. But now I’m back at work, back at facing the problems, and I am feeling sad and tired a lot. I am feeling unmotivated. I sometimes feel like things are crumbling. Falling apart in my hands.

Last night I imagined jumping off a rooftop. I guess I will go see my doctor soon. And I will try to enjoy the good things, because they are incredibly good. It doesn’t help to feel guilty about feeling bad when you should be feeling good.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 21:44 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Katherine Says:
   January 19th, 2006 at 10:15 e

   Yes, do see your doctor. It could be very well the meds. It’s common for people to need adjustments in meds like that.

   I love the snow pics… the colour is so beautiful. Almost bluey-grey. I like how snow mutes the other colours and makes landscapes look like a black and white photo. My favourite animal photo today is of Mathilde facing the camera with her ear tags. She’s so cute…like she’s got earrings on. They are very sweet those animals. It sounds like Moomincat has adopted you. Maybe animals have their very own adoption agency with pictures of humans on the wall…wouldn’t that be cute. The world would be a lonely desolate place without the animals…even the ferocious ones. I like just knowing the elephants are out there. It’s comforting.

2. Milla Says:
   January 20th, 2006 at 12:34 e

   Well, I had my meds adjusted and even changed one time & since then I
   feel a lot better. So yeah, Plume, you should try consulting your doc. And another thing that kinda helps me when I feel unmotivated, is writing a day planner. I think of things I can do and it helps to have a plan ;)

   We also had lots of snow this week and it looks great. Your pics are beautiful. Your furry friend is adorable! And the camera seems to love the goats. Yeah, these creatures make our lives a whole lot better and more colourful.

   Huggs :)

3. Annie Lee Says:
   May 29th, 2006 at 7:57 e

   I don’t know if they told you this in therapy, but anniversaries bring stress, even if its something you don’t necessarily think about, like the anniversary of the time a meteor fell on your house. So, like, if you’ve had birthdays that are bad, just the season of your birthday can be a stressor. And of course, if there are any bad Christmas memories, thats a big one too, even if your conscious mind isn’t thinking of it that way.

I Owe You

Cats are most mysterious creatures, aren’t they?

I walked into the living room and was greeted by a soft meow. Out from under our table came Moomincat. Somehow he had found his way inside without being noticed.

I was a little puzzled.

There’s only one way into our house, and that’s through my window. It’s winter, all other doors and windows are closed. So he had to have come in through there. And since I didn’t notice him then he must have slipped in while I wasn’t in the room. Normally I would have my door closed while I’m not in there. And normally the door to the living room would be closed too. I must have been in the bathroom, that’s the only explanation I can find. There must have been a tiny little window of opportunity where both doors were open and I wasn’t in any of the rooms. And he must have gone in and sat down under the table in the living room.

I was home alone at the time. That was another lucky circumstance. If my brother or mother had been home they would have probably chased him out. Not that they’re big, mean cat-haters. They wouldn’t have chased him out with a broomstick, yelling obscenities. But it’s not our cat, and he’s not supposed to be in here. So it was a good thing that they weren’t home and both doors were open and I wasn’t in the room. The perfect circumstance to sneak in and hide under the table and give me a nice surprise.

I took the opportunity to show him around the house. I had been wanting to do that. When he comes in through my window he usually goes right to my door and looks up at the handle, like he wants to go explore the house. And now that there was no one else in the house I figured I would give him the tour. He followed me around, I opened doors for him. He walked into rooms and looked around and then came back out to me.

I wonder if he likes my company as much as I like his? We sat on the couch, he looked half asleep. I got up and walked out of the room. He immediately got up and followed. Maybe he’s not looking for a warm bed to curl up and sleep in, maybe he’s looking for a warm human to curl up next to.

It felt really good. Having a cat in the house. I could get used to it.

Pictures.

I like the white on his neck, it makes him look… royal? It’s like a scarf almost.

I think the flash annoyed him a little. Silly humans. Funny how his eyes squinted for the flash. And for the cuddles.

Bless this holy mess.

Hehe. Moomincat went up into the window sill. And started climbing around under the curtain. Before he poked out again.

I think cats love hiding places. They probably enjoy surprising people.

And you can tell that he owns the place. You can’t really argue possession with a cat.

You know the old joke about aliens coming to earth and observing humans picking up dog poop and therefore thinking that the dog is the superior being? I think it’s very true. Animals are superior. We can’t MAKE them love us. But they can make us love them. They have power we don’t have. We can build the tallest buildings, but we’ll still be staring at the stars. The real giveaway is how much we focus on power. The ones who don’t care about power are the ones that are powerful.

Sorry, it’s too early in the day for philosophising.

I wouldn’t want to be president of a country, but I would want a cat in my lap any day.

And I always feel a little sad when he jumps out of my window and climbs the fence to our neighbour’s yard and disappears. But you can’t own a cat. If I took him then I’d be taking him away from someone else. Everytime he leaves I appreciate the next time he comes even more. I have just finished reading The Little Prince and I want to somehow correlate the two. I don’t know what planets Moomincat are visiting, but I love that he comes back to mine.

I thought he was pretty new to my world. I thought the first documented visit was when he came in through my window on January 1st. But then today, by some random string of events that I won’t bore you with I suddenly saw this picture in my photoalbum:

Moomincat. From an entry written on July 25th last year. I met him outside my house when I went to Tina Dickow’s autograph session in Stereo Studio. I almost missed my bus because he was so cuddly and lovely. Amazing. Half a year ago. So he has been around for a while.

Looking at that picture, it doesn’t look like he has a bare spot on his stomach. So that must mean that he had some kind of operation between that first meeting and now. And that means that he definitely must have a family that takes care of him. And he is just a friendly visitor, not a cat in need. That logic is not flawed, is it?

Made some videos of him. Pretty kitty.

And also a couple of funny ones of the goats.

I watched Shopgirl today. I liked it a lot. I have always liked Claire Danes. But who hasn’t, after My So Called Life? I have also always liked Steve Martin. And the movie had some really beautiful scenes. Beautiful music and visual. The stars…

And some relatable things. Claire’s character’s anti-depressants.

“I know it’s hard for you to be close”
“Sorry”

It reminded me of Skye. It can be hard to be close, but it’s awful to be apart.

I am also listening to old Amiga music. I am prone to nostalgia. Monkey Island, Shadow of the Beast, Myth, Turrican. Great music, great memories.

There are a lot of really great things in my life.

And yet I don’t feel okay.

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