Tina Dickow & P3 Prisen

I am working on an entry featuring Moomincat, who gave me a big surprise today. But first off.. congratulations to Tina Dickow who won the P3 Prize today. P3 is the biggest (I assume) Danish radio station. It’s a pretty prestigious prize I think, certainly to me it me means a lot more than all those crappy wannabe-MTV award shows we get. Anyway. The prize was well deserved. She almost couldn’t deliver her speech because the audience kept clapping. What a beautiful moment. 2005 really was her year, I hope 2006 will continue the trend. In The Red is being released in the UK and America right around these days, so if you want to support good Danish music from possibly the nicest and sweetest singer in the world then I suggest you check it out.

– Tina’s international website -

(All rights belong to DR TV)

Huzzah!

This entry was posted on Friday, January 13th, 2006 at 22:51 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Danny Says:
   January 15th, 2006 at 3:36 e

   yayyyyy! *claps wildly* i didn’t watch it myself cos i was spending some quality time with my brother, but i’m so glad she won that! my brother said she gets 100.000 kroner…wow haha, maybe she can lend me a few quid then ;) cheers lasse, this is brilliant news!

Que Sara Sara

At almost exactly 7 am today Moomincat came through my window. 7 am is a tricky time. It’s not late enough to get up and go to work, it’s not early enough to still get a nice long sleep before I have to get up. It’s sort of stuck in the middle.

Moomincat stayed for some 15 minutes. When he left I went back to sleep, a little sleep is better than nothing. I was morbidly tired at work though. Crushed-down tired. I didn’t get much work done. That wasn’t all my fault though. I need some material and the people I need it from are not there. Anyway, I was busy trying not to fall asleep.

I was interrupted by the new cute bargirl. She is sweet and cute and gorgeous. She’s only 18 though. Too young for me. But rest assured that’s the only reason we aren’t a couple already. If she was older then I promise I wouldn’t hesitate to… stare at her for a really long time and never say anything.

It made me feel bad actually. Made me feel like a huge, hideous glob of gelatinous waste. Like I am some ghastly, decomposing ogre walking around in a city full of elves, beautiful people. Everybody wants to be loved, that’s what it comes down to. I am no different. I am fine on my own, yeah right.

I wish I was made of clay, then I could model myself into something better.

NP: For Martha
long horses we are born
creatures more than torn
mourning our way home

I was so tired that I didn’t even go see the goats. Shock horror gasp. It rarely happens that I don’t go see them on a weekday. I did go to the library to pick up my reservations. The Little Prince, the last Hedegaard book and a stack of Moomins. Funnily enough the wintermoomin is the only one I haven’t got. But that’s ok. I have enough Moominstuff to last me a little while. I want to get lost in the valley, it is a nice place.

I am a little like Peter Pan, I never grew up. That works a lot better in literature though, in the real world it sort of causes problem.

I wish I could write fiction. I have a children’s story brewing in my head. It started like a simple comment to Katherine and now I feel it wanting to form. But whenever I try to write stories then it all crumbles. My mother said to me the other day (paraphrased) “What happened to your dreams of being an author? Hah!”. I thought that was incredibly mean and hurtful of her. She didn’t mean it like that though. But still. Broken dreams and wasted potential.

Many years ago I worked at the publishing house Hovedland. Internship for a year. On the first day we sat in the kitchen and had coffee and tea and talked. And I said that I had always wanted to be a writer. And they asked why I hadn’t written anything then? And I said that it was hard to write about the world when you hadn’t experienced it yet. And they agreed. And 10 years later I still have barely experienced the world.

Maybe some day I will write the big American novel. And then I’ll try to convince the Danish publishers that it can be sold in Denmark too.

But until then, here are some pictures from yesterday:

Mads in mid-baah.

Magnethe has a funny body shape doesn’t she? It’s all wide and then her head is so small.

And there she is going through my stuff. You can never, ever have your bags in peace if there are goats around.

More baahing. I love the sound of goats bleating, it soothes me.

Lovely goats. Tomorrow I shall definitely go see them. I’m sure they want to be loved too.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 10th, 2006 at 21:12 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Maile Says:
   January 11th, 2006 at 2:29 e

   you are experiencing the world right now, lasse. i think for the first time in a long time. and i think that your experiences with the animals are a great breeding ground for childrens stories.

2. P Says:
   January 12th, 2006 at 14:32 e

   I visit your site regularly, and you have a very rare talent for writing extremely funny, insightful and thought provoking words.

   If you want to be a writer, then write. Even if its only for yourself. You have a MASSIVE talent, which you shouldn’t waste. So write when and what you feel like writing. Authors don’t pick up an pen and write classics from start to finish. They can take years to get it right. Its not like counting. Sometimes 4 comes before 2. So don’t be afraid to go down blind alleys in your writing. Thats what lifes about. Playing wrong notes.
   And as for wasted potential. You’re not dead are you?!

   And you’re not wasting your potential. Your entries to the blog are classics. You have a view of life that very few people will have. And i truely think your stories will become classics too. Maybe for many. Maybe for only one or two. But I definately believe they will change peoples lives. The way they think, the way they feel.

   You have a great, charming and useful talent. Embrace that.

   Phil

3. Ralph Says:
   January 15th, 2006 at 21:16 e

   “I wish I was made of clay, then I could model myself into something better.”

   Well put. But you are. And you can. It’s not an easy path. It takes time, pain and hard work. Start at http://www.stevepavlina.com. And start small.

Frown Upside Down

I think I have made a new friend.

Moomincat came through my window again today. Not once, but twice. And I swear he must have some sort of sixth sense that tells him when I am sleeping. I was lying in bed both times.

First in the morning. The alarm had buzzed and I was lying in my bed, enjoying the fact that I didn’t have to get up. Half awake. Halfway between sleep and reality. And then I felt him landing on my bed. My bed is cleverly placed straight underneath the window, so if anyone wants to sneak in then they have to land on the bed. I love the feeling of a cat landing on me.

He did his “usual” routine. Jumped down on the floor. Looked around in my room. Looked at the door. And then jumped back up on my bed and curled up in a ball. He only stayed for 5-10 minutes. Then he jumped up in the window sill and sat there for a few minutes. And then jumped out in the yard.

He walked around in my back yard and climbed up on the roof of our neighbours.

There he is. There was another cat in our yard too. Moomincat went into our barely standing shed, I was watching him through my window. And I could see another cat. I wonder if they know each other. Or if my back yard is suddenly just the big hip hangout-place for cats.

Fast-forward through the day. Not doing much. Going up to see the goats. Then taking a nap. Waking up in the middle of it because something lands on my bed. Yup, Moomincat was back.

I had been wondering whether I would be able to sleep with a cat in the room. Just the presence of someone, or something, else. I have always slept alone, except for with Skye (how I miss it). So, I decided to try it out. I didn’t get up. I peeked a little every now and then and saw Moomincat still lying in the foot-end, all curled up. And eventually I fell asleep. He must have been sleeping too. What a beautiful, wonderful thing. To fall asleep with a cat in my bed. I can’t properly articulate what a lovely feeling it is. I guess if you have a pet of your own then you’ll know.

I woke up by the alarm going off. I sat up and saw Moomincat staring at the alarm. Haha. Everybody hates alarm clocks. I turned it off and cuddled him a little to apologise for the rude awakening. And then he jumped up in the window sill and looked out for a minute and then jumped out and left.

What an amazing cat. I feel so priviliged, that he wants to take naps in my bed.

You have to be thankful for little wonders.

How else are things going? I went back to work, which was tough after being sick and being depressed. Sanne, my boss, is so understanding. It’s amazing. I am thankful for that too. I have had to move though. Eh, long story short: Poul Erik has stopped. Søren and Kenneth has started. Søren has long legs. Poul Erik’s desk is short. Søren has taken my desk, I have taken Poul Erik’s desk. Got it? I don’t mind, because Poul Erik’s desk is in the corner. And I like corners. Two out of four angles are safe. I always go for the corner when I have to sit down in new places.

Søren, by the way, seemed like a jolly fellow. He reminded me of Ross and Monica’s dad on Friends. Gould? For some reason. He came and asked about what I was doing. I was picking colours for next month’s flier and poster. And he also showed me his palm pilot thingie. It was quite smart. He had all his photos in there.

He got my computer of course, and I have this program running that keeps changing the desktop picture. It cycles through 20-30 of my pictures. So he asked about my pictures and showed me his and we talked a little. Really good social exercise.

So that’s okay. And it was good to get back to work too. To keep sane.

Also went to the library. It wasn’t quite succesful. I wanted The Little Prince and the moominbook where they wake up from hibernation in the winter. I got neither. But I did get Comet In Moominland instead. I think I’ll just get all the moominbooks and read them. I’m not sure if they’re actually considered kid’s books or not. But I don’t care, I will play by my own rules. I also got Den Gamle Biograf. Book 4 in the Vesterbæk series by Jacob Hedegaard Pedersen. If you are Danish then you should dig up book 3, Flugten Fra. Look in the credits. You will find my name in there. I think I’m listed as “script consultant”. Hehe.

Yes, yes. Made reservations for The Little Prince, Moominland Midwinter, Høst (last of the Vesterbæk series) and a “learn to play guitar” video. Yup. It feels good to use the library again. When I was a kid I practically lived in there. I am disappointed in myself for how little I have read since I “grew up”. But I guess that whole “isolate myself from the outside world” thing is a good excuse.

Speaking of suicidal thoughts, thank you for listening. Now that I’m back at work and back in health and there’s a little snow on the ground and a visiting cat, hopefully my mood will improve. I have thought about going to my doc to talk about the medicin. I guess I’ll see how I feel the next week or two.

There’s a lot of good in my life. Not least you guys.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 7th, 2006 at 22:56 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Maile Says:
   January 8th, 2006 at 10:15 e

   buck up my friend. life can be a good thing indeed. one moment you’re contemplating veins the next moment you’ve got cats on your bed. you should live for the cat days. cat days are great. i got a forward today. don’t usually read those things. but one of the lines was ‘for every sixty seconds you spend upset, it’s a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.’ i’ve got blair reading your blog too. he likes the animal pictures. have you been to cute overload? i think it’ll give you a good cheering up.

Cheshire Smiles

It came back. The cat.

Yesterday. Early in the morning. I was woken by something landing on my bed. And I knew what it was. Turned on the light and got my glasses and there it was. The same cat, in through my window.

It jumped down and looked around a little and then got back up on my bed and curled up in a ball and layed there. While I watched it.

Amazing.

I’m going to agree with Anne and Katherine. It’s obviously not stray or lost. It must be a regular house cat, just coming to visit once in a while. It’s healthy and beautiful. It’s not starved for attention either. It sat on my bed for a while, then it jumped up in the window sill and sat there and looked out. And then jumped out and left.

I hope it will come back soon. It makes me happy. If I ever had any doubts about getting a cat then they are definitely gone.

Moomincat, I’m calling him. Or Mumikat in Danish.

Otherwise I have not actually been doing that great. I sat in the shower today and wondered if it would be possible to slit one’s own throat. Would a human being be capable of that? If you can slit your wrist, can you slit your throat? If you close your eyes, is there a difference?

But I will try not to think like that. Must press on. Think of sweet cats and goats. Of Mads bleating when he sees me through the fence and trees on the other side of the street. Of the twin lambs still being small and lovely.

I’m going to the library soon. To get a moominbook. And The Little Prince. And a “learn how to play the guitar, and don’t keep putting it off” book. And Høst + Den Gamle Biograf by Jacob Hedegaard Pedersen because those are the only of the Vesterbæk books that I haven’t read. He was publishing the first ones when I worked at Hovedland.

It will be good to read again. I hope.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 5th, 2006 at 21:40 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Anne Says:
   January 5th, 2006 at 23:04 e

   Da jeg var barn, sagde de gamle, kloge folk, at mavevrøvl og influenza gi’r depressioner. Så hold fast i det og la’ vær’ med at få go’e ideer. Forøvrigt kan dine oplevelser det sidste års tid sammenlignes med meget af det, Mumi oplevede, da han begav sig alene ud i en fremmed verden af sne. Næste stop : Troldvinter.

2. Milla Says:
   January 6th, 2006 at 13:35 e

   So now we can come to the conclusion, that the cat really likes you ;) I can feel that you will become good friends.
   Listen, bout those thoughts in the shower… I once wondered if it was possible for a person to break their own neck. Ewww. Plume, my comment on this is… get this ish out of your head, seriously :D There are so many things that can happen to a human being, that is kinda an ant in the universe’s hands, that thinking what a human being can do to himself is a waste of our precious time my dear ;) Focus on what the world can do for you and what you can give it in return. Sounds like a fair deal to me. And the world can give you lots of things… like a gorgeous Mumikat, snow, Tina Dickow, friends and me, who leaves long exciting comments in your blog (hehe :D).

   Me wishes you a nice friday man :)

3. Katherine Says:
   January 7th, 2006 at 4:04 e

   The cat has claimed your bedroom as its own. That’s like a member of the royal family deciding your home is their castle. Cats are pretty picky about where they hang out.

   I wish an elephant would climb in my window. Alas…the window is too small and elephants don’t like cities. I wonder if this is one of the Jedi kitties. A JediMoominkat? Perhaps the cat is your guardian angel. Like Santa visits the children, the Kat checks on her charge to make sure they’re ok.

   Lasse, the suicidal thoughts may be your medication needing adjusting. It sounds like a brain chemistry thing (what do I know…???) but when you look at your life now, objectively, you’ve achieved so much, conquered many fears. This takes a lot of courage and willpower. Maybe it’s time for a checkup, and if you need more therapy and counselling, there’s no reason not to have it. I was in therapy for five years…saw my psychiatrist every two weeks for one hour. It’s not unusual for people to need therapy for awhile.

   Anyway, I also want you to know I’m glad you are open about what’s happening with you and I hope my post doesn’t make you think you should stop talking about it. The opposite is true. We care and are here for you… please don’t hurt yourself. And if you’re tempted, please seek help right away.

4. Milla Says:
   January 7th, 2006 at 11:45 e

   Katherine, you put it well in words! Thank you for trusting us Plume and sharing what you feel. It’s sometimes help in itself, but yeah, it would be a good idea to turn to a specialist if those thoughts come once in a while. The thing is that sometimes these thoughts are not controllable and you need a little help from aside or just someone to listen and give a good peace of advice. Might be a chemistry thing, I agree on that.

   I wish someone came crawling through my window (well, a four-legged creature with fur and good intensions that is), but it’s very unlikely, cuz I happen to live on the 10th floor. Unless it’s a bird! Oh, that would be sweeeeet :) Maybe I should hang food from my window and wait.

   Uh, and I’ve got a confession to make… I’ve never seen an elephant in 3D before. They are amazing creatures, I think I’m gonna go to the zoo this summer and check them out. Or a circus… but then I donno… I wish I could see one in his/her own habbitat. Cuz I’m not sure if people treat those sweeties well in zoo or circus.
   A question for Katherine: is it true that sculptures of elephants with their trunks up bring good luck? Just wondering ;)

   Dear Plume, don’t forget, we’re here for you, no matter what.

5. Katherine Says:
   January 10th, 2006 at 22:53 e

   Milla, Asian cultures have a tradition in their sculpturing and art that a trunk up brings good luck. Too bad it doesn’t bring elephants good luck though because most are horribly exploited. And the wild ones are losing their habitats. If you want to see 3D elephants that live naturally, visit http://www.elephants.com and click on their elecamera. It’s a sanctuary in Tennessee and the elephants are very happy there whether their trunks are up or down. Just knowing they are happy makes me feel lucky.

Moominplume

Would you excuse me while I go throw up?

Thank you.

I am not at all well. My stomach is upset. And I don’t mean that it’s ranting about the war in Iraq.

Let me also take this opportunity to say thank you for the comments. About the new year and the cat. Thank you Milla for the big new year comment, that was beautiful. Thank you Anne for mentioning Mumi troldene. “The Moomin trolls” as they seem to be called in English. Every now and then, perhaps once a year, perhaps not even that, I remember the mumitrolde. And I am hit by a wave of nostalgia, sort of like with Bamse På Planet. Just something undefinable from your childhood. I hardly remember them. Hazy images in my mind. I remember loving the stories. I think my mother read them to me. And there was a cartoon. In which the mumitrolls woke up early from hibernation and their valley was still covered by snow. And me loving snow, well that was just the perfect setting. I remember being scared too. There was some kind of lady winter or lady frost? She scared me. There was a popup book too that scared me. I seem to remember some dark parts of the stories, some melancholy. But also beauty and joy. And adventure. I think I really, really loved those stories when I was a kid. I have an overwhelming desire to find the books and read them now. Or the comics or cartoons or popup books.

I want to be a kid again.

Official Moomin characters homepage
Wikipedia Moomin

Also great big thank yous to Meredith, Clare and Katherine whose christmas cards I received today. It’s like christmas come early.

In the spirit of giving I have updated the video section.

Three videos of goats in the snow. From last year. After the snowstorm. You can see how much snow is left on top of the fence. But Mads breaks through it. You can also see Magnethe shake herself like she’s a wet dog. And then after that she swings her head around so her big floppy ears fly all over the place. Cute.

Two videos of my feline visitor. The wonderful, sweet cat. See for yourself how sweet and lovely it was.

I forgot one detail about it. One of the first things it did when it had settled down on my bed was to lick itself all over. Cleaning itself. Cleaning the fur. I just sat and stared in awe of course. It acted like it felt completely at home and at ease with me. How wonderful.

Now you’ll have to excuse me again.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006 at 21:54 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Anne Says:
   January 4th, 2006 at 14:23 e

   Troldvinter, hedder bogen, hvor Mumi vågner for tidligt og oplever vinteren første gang. Mumi-historierne er smukke og skræmmende, men de er faktisk gode at få forstand af. En ven, nu psykolog, skrev en deleksamen på dem, og hun fastholder, at de er rene arketyper – de der træk, vi alle har til fælles. Og det er store, eksistentielle spørgsmål, hende der Janson uden at blinke hælder på de små. En nevø fik Kometen Kommer af mig, og det tog lang tid at få den læst højt – når der var gået et kapitels penge, gik ungen – Bjarke – i panik, og bogen blev sat væk. Efter en uge begyndte de så forfra, og kom altid lidt længere. Prøv Troldvinter og tyg lidt på hunden Ynk von Jammerlunds oplevelser for ikke at tale om Mumis møde med sin forfar.

2. Milla Says:
   January 6th, 2006 at 13:19 e

   Hugs, wish you to get well soon!

Found And Lost, Almost

Oh you’re not going to believe this.

Deja vu?

So earlier today I updated and said I had found the owner of the sweet kitty who came to my window. But turns out I was wrong. I’ve been in mail contact with the owner of Lilleput, the wanted kitty from the poster in Aktiv Super. And she looked at the pictures in my blog. And it wasn’t Lilleput. Lilleput doesn’t have white feet. So now I’m almost relieved, because I guess I didn’t send a cat that had been lost for two months back out in the snow. But on the other hand I feel sad for Christina, the girl who is missing her cat. And I wonder what the story of “my” cat is, if it’s lost or not. If it’ll come back or not.

What are the odds though? A cat comes in through my window and has a bare spot on her stomach. And the day after I see a wanted poster for a cat that looks almost identical and also has a bare spot. But you can’t argue with the white feet of course. It’s just a pretty startling coincidence.

And I still miss the cat. It was so sweet. I was going to say “she was so sweet” but now I don’t know if it’s male or female of course. I did have the feeling it was a she, even before I saw the wanted poster. But I don’t know of course.

It must be horrible to lose a cat. Like Christina said in her mail. A family member. I would be crushed if that happened to me. When I get my own cat. I don’t even want to think the thought.

I dreamt that I found the cat again. After I was outside looking for it today. I went back in and slept (hey, I’m sick. I have an excuse). And I dreamt that I found the cat again. And would you believe it, the alarm clock rang and I woke up. But I sort of dozed off a little. And again I dreamt that I found the cat. I’m not making it up, I dreamt it twice. I guess that shows how much I wanted to find the cat and get it back to its owner. And make up for my mistake.

I am feeling quite moved. By the cat and by Christina’s mail and all. I should start looking for a shelter to volunteer in again. And an appartment. And a cat, definitely a cat.

PS. Does anyone have a recommendation for what I should do if “my” cat comes again? Should I just let it stay until it leaves by itself, should I keep it and call a shelter, should I feed it, what should I do?

This entry was posted on Monday, January 2nd, 2006 at 20:14 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Anne Says:
   January 3rd, 2006 at 0:01 e

   Det var/er en venlig huskat, der besøger dig, og det vil den sikkert gøre igen.
   Med den fine pels og det rolige blik, så har den et sted af bo, tro mig. Men katte har det der private i deres karakter – at de finder nye steder, hvor de hygger sig og bli’r forkælet. Janson, mumi-forfatter, er nok den, som bedst har beskrevet det, bl. a. i Kometen kommer, hvor det lille dyr Sif forelskede sig håbløst i en kattekilling. Men din ven er ikke killing – mindst fem år. Og den ligner mere en kastreret hankat end en hunkat, selvom størrelsen ikke rigtig fremgår. Hvis den mangler en snip af sit øre, så er den enten øretatoveret eller chip’et. Og den havde ikke forladt din varme seng og dit hyggelige selskab, hvis ikke den havde et sted at gå hjem til. Nyd den, men lad være med at fodre den, for så beslutter den måske, at den hellere vil bo hos dig.

Lost And Found, Almost

Oh you’re not going to believe this. I’m sick. Yes, yes, that part you can believe. But I dragged myself out to do a little shopping in Aktiv Super. And what did I see on their notice board? A missing cat poster. Yup. You guessed it. The little sweetheart from yesterday does belong to someone. But it’s lost. And I could kick myself. I could kick myself so much. I’m so stupid.

Her name is Lilleput. She’s 10 years old. She’s a shy cat, the poster said. Belongs to “Haveforeningen Moselund”. I’m not sure how to translate Haveforening. Tenant’s association? Anyway, doesn’t matter. It’s not a family at least, it’s a group or union or whatever. But in any case, I had their cat in my house for almost an hour and I let it go. Kick kick kick myself. It’s been lost since October 28th. Oh no. Two months it’s been gone. I’m such a moron moron moron.

There’s even a reward. 2500 kroners. Almost 400 dollars. That’s a lotta money. Although I wouldn’t feel right taking it since I’m not the one who found the cat, the cat found me.

Agh.

I went out just now and looked. I spent 15 minutes tracking a cat until I could tell that it wasn’t Lilleput. Eventually I had to go back inside, it’s freezing and I’m sick. But I’ll keep looking. And really, really hope that she comes back to my window.

Now I gotta go write them an email and tell them that I had their cat but let it go. I hope they won’t be angry with me. But I have to tell them that their cat is alive and seemingly healthy, right? That’s good news at least. Sigh. I owe them a cat, I do.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 2nd, 2006 at 13:54 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

2006: Year of the Cat

I just had the best start to the year. You won’t believe it.

Actually, it didn’t start off perfectly. I woke up feeling tired and sore and aching. It’s not fair to wake up like that when you HAVEN’T partied wildly the night before. But okay. I got up and spent a little time on the computer and had a little to eat. And then I went back to bed to sleep some more. And when I woke up again, that’s when the good stuff happened.

There was a cat in my room. Yes, you might remember that this happened to me a little while ago too. That was in the middle of the night and the cat left quickly. I think it might have been the same cat today. I’m not 100% sure, but I think so. Anyway, I woke up and felt something on my bed. And because it was the middle of the day (practically) I could make out the shape of a cat. So I slowly reached out to get my glasses. Didn’t want to spook the kitty.

And with my glasses on I could see, in the foot end of my bed, a beautiful kitty cat. As if nature’s way of saying “2006 is going to be a good year, we’re rooting for you Plume”.

What a wonderful thing. And I didn’t have to worry about spooking it. It made itself nicely at home in my room.

And I could cuddle it good.

So good.

Oh what a sweetie. Is there anything better than a cat sleeping on your bed?

Well, I don’t know if it was actually sleeping. But it curled up and I sat there and watched its breathing. It made me want to lie down and sleep next to it.

It purred when I scratched it behind its ears. It even let me lift it up in my arms. Several times. I don’t know how to hold a cat, I probably did it all wrong. But it didn’t mind.

My mother walked through the hallway to go to the bathroom, the floor creaking outside my door. The kitty ran to the door and sat down and looked expectedly up at the handle.

Like it was waiting for someone. Maybe its real owner? I mean, it must be someone’s cat. It was so tame and well-behaved. Also, it had a spot on its shoulder (sort of) where the fur had been shaved away. Like from an operation. Wasn’t a big spot, and I couldn’t see a real surgical scar, but there was a little, slowly healing, wound there. So it can’t be a stray, right? Strays don’t get taken to the hospital and then released again out on their own. I imagine.

And I’m not allowed to have cats here. Agh. I wanted so badly to keep it. It looked like it wanted to stay. I didn’t want it to think that it had found a new home, but I couldn’t help giving it some water.

Look at the tongue! It actually licked my hand. I have never had a cat lick my hand before. What a funny, rough, sweet feeling.

I loved it… but I couldn’t let it stay, right? It must have a real home somewhere.

Out in the snow. It jumped out, and standing under my window it looked up at me and mewed softly. And started getting in position to jump back up through my window. So I closed my window a bit, so there wouldn’t be space for it to come in. And it walked away, slowly. Jumped over the fence. And I’m such a bad person, I must be made of stone. How could I let that poor kitty go? I want my kitty back. It acted like it was mine, I should have let it stay. I could have just kept it, who would have found out? It’s not like they inspect our houses. I am evil. I miss it :/

I spent 30-45 minutes with it in my room. It was like having a cat. It was like my cat. It purred and let me hold it and cuddle it, it curled up and slept in my bed. It was like my cat. I would have loved it forever, why did I let it go?

Maybe it was the same cat that came into my room that night. Maybe it doesn’t have a real home. Maybe it was abandoned or lost. Maybe I sent it out to be alone in the winter. I am bad bad bad.

But it was beautiful. Yes. I need my own cat soon. Must move out. Ignore the fear of taking care of myself. So what if I can’t make it on my own, at least I’ll have a cat while not making it. That will be worth it. Gotta look for houses. Must have kitty.

I miss it. I wish I wasn’t so stupid.

But what a start to the year anyway. Amazing kitty cat.

PS. Ignore the mess in my room. I’m moving out soon, then the bulldozers will move in.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 1st, 2006 at 21:51 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Katherine Says:
   January 1st, 2006 at 22:42 e

   Maybe this is one of those cats who has a primary home and then visits other houses. It’s kind of neat actually, especially since you can’t have a cat there all the time. But there’s nothing to prevent having a visiting cat. I’m sure he or she will come back again, now that he or she knows he or she is welcome.

2. Milla Says:
   January 2nd, 2006 at 10:43 e

   Pretty kitty :) I was once sitting with my friend in the church yard at night and a white kitty appeared out of nowhere and jumped in my lap. It was a very nice cat, didn’t look stray at all. So while we were talking it made itself comfortable and slept a little while. I also practically fell in love with it, but I knew it had a real home. So when it was time to go, she looked at me for the last time and then went away. So sweet when an animal shows you so much unexpected attention and love. A wonderful feeling :)))
   Yeap, I agree with the others, if there were two visits, the third is somewhere around the corner!

A Year Ahead

So here it is, merry christmas!

Oh wait. That was last week, right? Yes. So today is the 31st of December, as late as it gets. Right now there are three hours left of the year. Outside it sounds like the war on christmas has turned into the war on new years and everyone is fighting it with explosives.

I’m not a fan of fireworks. Ever since that new years eve many years ago when my neighbour Cliff threw firecrackers in my boot and I spent the night in the hospital. And the next month getting acid treatment on the wound.

And now for weeks the neighbourhood kids have been running around shooting bombs. I think fireworks would be a lot more special if we just had the traditional shootings after midnight. When all the families on the block gather and shoot of the grand fireworks. Instead of all these weeks and days of minor explosions. And you know that those darn half-criminal teenagers are just doing it because they like to scare people and play with fire. There is no romance.

Anyway. Every year I talk about how I don’t really like fireworks and for some reason no one ever listens. You’d think by now the world would have catered to my demands. Maybe next year.

So 2005. It’s been a big year for me. In fact the last couple of years have been huge. So much has happened. My life has changed a lot. From isolated, bitter depression to hope and progress. I must remember to be thankful for that.

The year didn’t start off well though. I went to the Netherlands and broke up with Skye. My first and only ex. It looked like it was going to be a very bad year. But I think I’m lucky that my medication kicked in soon after that. My depression went away. Skye was still my friend. Therapy started. Group sessions followed. I started feeling at home at work. I started going to the playground regularly and found happiness with the animals. Magnethe was born, the most wonderfully cute little goat kid. Going to concerts. Meeting Tina. I got surgery I wanted. In many ways it has been a very good year. I got my own domain too. Back in April. I can’t believe it’s been so long. I am happy with it. Happy with you guys who support me. I have a lot to be thankful for.

And that’s important to remember. I have had some mood swings the last month or so before my vacation started. Some depression. I even had a night where I seriously thought about suicide. Not in the way that I was going to do it just then, but in the way that I was seriously thinking about what methods would be best and so on. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do it. But I was having some downtime. So it’s important for me to remember how much progress I have made, how much better my life has become. And I have to hang in there.

2006 will be very important for me I think. It will probably be the year that makes or breaks me. Will I overcome my problems and get a real life? Or will I give up and fade away? I have some big steps to take. Mainly because I have to take them on my own. The continued fight against phobia has to be fought without the help of the group therapy. I have to move out and take responsibility for my own life. Make it on my own. That scares me. I guess I feel very insecure about doing it all on my own. It’s easier when you have someone to tell you what to do, to guide you. Now I have to stand on my own two legs. And I am worried that I might fall.

But if I can do it then I think I can have a pretty okay life. I might never have a huge group of friends, I might never love big social gatherings. But I think I can get to a place where I am happy. I just have to keep working for it.

And I guess that’s my new year’s resolution. To keep working on things.

That concludes 2006. I have procrastinated so much that there is now only one hour and 12 minutes left of the year. I hope you will all have a safe and happy eve. And I hope 2006 will bring you you good things. As far as I am concerned you all deserve the best.

Finally, if you like Mads, Mathilde and Magnethe then you should go look at my post in go_go_goats. A different sort of look back on 2005.

Happy new year everyone!

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 31st, 2005 at 22:51 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Milla Says:
   January 1st, 2006 at 20:51 e

   Dear Plume, I want to wish you a very happy and prosperous new year!!! I wish you lots of strength this year, to continue working for your goals and achieving them. You are a wonderful person and you deserve all the best of luck.
   You know, never say never about that huge group of friends. In a way you already have them ;) But seriosuly it’s better to have a few really close friends, that can humm to you the melody of your heart, if you by some chance forget it. I spend time with some people who are fun, but I wouldn’t really be able to open my heart to them. That is why I treasure my closest friends. Believe me, once you’re out there and ready to socialize, you’ll easily meet people who share the same interests with you and who enjoy you for the one you are.
   I have to admit, that I am also scared of changes. I have taken a looong brake from the university, partly cuz of my depression. The other part was the feeling of insecurity and feeling strange around places I used to feel comfortable in. Now in just a couple of weeks I’ll be going back, to a new group and new lecturers. But I wanna make it right and get my life back on track. The year 2005 had started hard for me, since it got bad for me on the 13th of January and continued for more than half a year. But now I’m thankful that period, cuz I finally got to meet the mature and responsible part of me and now I can make people around me feel good, just by being myself. I realized just what miracles the power of love can do. I continued writing and periodically talking on the phone with a guy that lives in germany. He is my soulmate and I can’t wait to see him again. I got a black terrier 7 months ago and she has brought a lot of joy into my life. I started singing and took part in a song festival on Thaksgiving day. I also had group therapy that enriched my life and during that time I met some extraordinary people. So yes, it’s been a year to remember and be thankful for.

   My friend gave me a card for my birthday, that had these words written in it:
   what we look like or appear to be is but a shell; it may look beautiful, but in the end, no shell is as beautiful as the pearl it holds inside; that is our true goal – to reach the pearl.
   I hope he doesn’t get mad at me for using his words, but I think that it’s one of those things we gotta try to do this year and all the years ahead. He put it well in words.

   Hugs n kisses from Lithuania,
   Milla

Snow Swimming

What a beautiful day. What an absolutely gorgeous day. If there are any religious groups that want me to believe in god then they should pick a day like today to pitch it to me. Because it really is divine.

Just don’t mention the war. And the tsunamis and earth quakes and pedophiles and those kids that tie fireworks to cats and reality tv and torture and so on.

Anyway, this isn’t a party political broadcast. This is a celebration of the snow.

Snow snow snow snow snow I must have snow.

One of my favourite things when it snows is the table we have standing out in our back yard. Old and rusty and falling apart. It always looks so nice with a topping of snow.

Just look at it. It’s like candy being served.

And Aarhus in the distance.

There is a little playground up on a hill and when I go up there I can see the city in the distance. Lots of houses sprawled everywhere.

And the world is right around the corner.

I feel like rewriting the Nightswimming lyrics to Snowswimming. But alas, I am not ambitious enough.

I’m not sure all these people understand

That’s what happens when you keep your window open at night. And you can see that all the other windows have been closed. I’m the only one crazy enough to sleep with an open window even though the temperatures are below zero.

I went to the playground. And luckily it was open, no one caught in the snow. So I got to hang out with the goats. So wonderful, the snow, the sun, the animals.

The bench was full of snow so instead I put some hay on the ground and then placed my blanket on top and then sat there. And let the goats have the bench.

Can you see Magnethe’s snowbeard? She was sticking her head in the snow all the time and when she raised it she’d have snow on her face. It made me laugh repeatedly.

What do you expect when you bury your head in the snow?

She’s so cute. I just had to hug her.

And Mads, the giant cuddlebug.

I gotta start looking for a toupé.

I am thankful for having the goats in my life. They make me feel loved. Funny how animals can do that.

I need a pet really badly. Or you know, friends and lovers. That too.

Before I go I want to recommend a Swedish movie. I don’t think I have ever done that before. I might never again. I’m Danish, you know. Denmark and Sweden is like Iraq and Iran. Or USA and Canada. Or Mexico. Or the whole world. Or something. Anyway, today I watched Kopps. Or Kops, as it’s called in Danish. It’s quite funny. And endearing. It’s about a little local police station that is going to be closed down because there’s no crime in their ‘hood’. So the police people start beefing up the statistics. By comitting crimes themselves. Normally I do not like Swedish comedies. Heck, I don’t even like most Danish comedies. But this one just has some really sweet and funny characters. I especially like Benny. He’s a mediocre cop, but he’s a big fan of American action movies I guess. So he keeps fantasizing about himself as a badass cop. He jumps around and shoots and shouts american phrases like “Don’t you mess with Benny the cop, motherfucker”. And then he goes home and knits. He’s a great character, the movie is worth watching just for his escapades. It’s a good little movie. No masterpiece. But it doesn’t matter since none of you USAians will ever get the chance to see it I’m sure.

Freeze motherfacker.

Also, I have been having a Curb Your Enthusiasm marathon. Speaking of escapades. I love Larry David. He’s quite a piece of work. I’m almost up to season 5 now. If I’m lucky I’ll make it through the whole lot before vacation is over.

I can’t believe there’s only one day left of 2005. And I haven’t learnt my lesson, I’m going to waste that one too.

I won’t let the snow go to waste though.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 30th, 2005 at 23:04 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.

1. Katherine Says:
   December 31st, 2005 at 1:59 e

   Your “Merry freaking” Christmas card arrived today! It’s lovely. Thank you. I hope mine arrives on your snow-covered doorstep soon. And I wish we had snow…we have rain here…lots and lots and pots of rain. I’m glad the goats are enjoying the snow, too.

   Does Kopps have English subtitles by any chance? I love foreign films… and have seen lots of good Danish and Swedish movies. One called Festen is definitely worth seeing. http://movie-reviews.colossus.net/movies/c/celebration.html

   A Dutch film I wish I could get my hands on again is Karakter. It’s amazing.

2. Anne Says:
   December 31st, 2005 at 12:04 e

   Flot år du har haft. Godt Nytår og tak for alt det, jeg nu kan se gennem dine øjne. Jeg var pjattet med geder, men jeg vil aldrig mere kunne se sne i mængder uden at tænke på dig.

3. Liz Says:
   December 31st, 2005 at 17:13 e

   Hey Plume, I used to read you way back when I was on diaryland as obscurelady (I’m not sure if you remember?) … now I’m not really writing online much but I thought of you today and decided to check out the new blog – it looks great and it really looks like you are doing well. The pictures are beautiful!
   Liz