I had a good therapy session today. It was the last group session. That’s why it was so good. Haha. I kid, I kid.
No, it was good because of the stuff we talked about. We did some “avoiding relapses” and “future planning” stuff. We were supposed to have filled out a form about it at home. I had forgotten. But we did it on the whiteboard instead. And I think it was very useful for me. Listing the things I have accomplished. Identifying remaining problems. Plans for how to deal with them. High risk situations that might cause relapses. And future goals. Good stuff.
It’s a little sad that the group stops now. Next week there’s an individual session and then we’ll go our own ways and “be our own therapists”. Use the skills we have learned to continue improving our lives. Being in the group has been hard for me, but very rewarding too. They’re such sweet people all of them. I have learnt a lot from the sessions, and especially I have learnt a lot from listening to the others. Their experiences and their progress. I mean, I knew I wasn’t the only one in the world with social phobia. But just being together with other people, real people, who deal with the same issues, that really gives you a lot more than just reading in a book or something like that.
We exchanged emails. I gave out my plume at plume dk address. So in theory the others could come here now. I know Anne remarked that I have my own site. But I don’t know how much they use the internet and all. I wouldn’t mind anyway. They’re really good people. I say again. When I was talking about moving out on my own they gave me good advice. They said I should invite them to a housewarming party when I get my own place hehe. Lasse (the other) said I shouldn’t bring my computer to the new place at first. To minimize the risk of isolating myself in a room with a computer for a week and not doing anything. And he also said we could go see a soccer game some time. Maybe when Brøndby comes to Århus. We should do that.
I hope all the best for them. I think they’ve made good progress. Some of them excellent. I still sort of feel like I’m “the worst”. The one who has it hardest, the one who suffers the most from the phobia, the one who has progressed the least. But I imagine everyone feels like that. I certainly won’t complain. I’m lucky to have gotten the chances I have. The help I have received. The support I have needed. When you look at what is going on all over the world then a little fear isn’t that bad actually. It’s a good thing to remember. It’s only fear. And in most cases it’s unrealistic fear. It only has as much power as I let it have. And the more I’m aware of that, the more I regain the power for myself.
I will control my fear, I will not let it control me.
That could be the end of that post. But I want to go out with a rant and a song.
Why not start with the song? I already talked about it. Heartbeats by José Gonzalez. Thanks to Katherine for letting me know that you can listen to it here. Legally and all. It’s a beautiful song, check it out. I can’t actually get it to work myself, but I think that’s because I have Real Alternative installed instead of the real RealPlayer. But please give it a try.
sharing different heartbeats in one night
His album sounds like I want my album to sound.
And we conclude this prayer with a rant. To do with this:
The upcoming election. No, not the election itself. But the election posters. All over the city. On every streetlight and electricity pole. Pole after pole after pole. To win the polls.
What a waste. What a waste of ressources. Like the christmas decorations in October, mocking the spectacle.
I just don’t get it. Do you think I will vote for your candidate because I see his face there? And there? And there? And there? On and on, down the road. On that picture there are only two posters. Usually there are four. Row after row after row of 3-4 posters. Of the same fake smiles.
And you know what the worst thing is? I bet it works. I bet plastering your face all over the city will get you votes. Is that how you want your votes? Because you have carpet-bombed our conscience with your mugshot? Not because we agree with your beliefs and opinions, but because you are familiar.
When it comes to politics I’m cynical, I know. I have a hard time believing there are real, decent politicians. It’s all about power. If you have the power then you will do anything to keep it. If you don’t have it then you will do anything to get it. Whatever it takes. Even if you have to live with the spider in you.
Politics make for strange bedfellows, and still I go to bed at night alone.
But I’m actually feeling good again, I think. I wish it would snow soon.
Now listening: Mew – White Lips Kissed (Japanese version)
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November 9th, 2005 at 1:06 e
I hope everything keeps going well and you’re able to continue your “self therapy.” Doing stuff like those concerts and talking to people on the bus sounds like you’re definitely on the right track!
I really love that song; I’m glad you posted the commercial the other day because I had seen it somewhere else online but it didn’t give any info about it. Now I know what it is. =)
It hardly ever snows here. When we get snow it’s like a special present. And, everyone goes nuts and can’t figure out how to drive anymore and buys out all of the bread in the stores. Snow is so rare!
November 9th, 2005 at 7:37 e
Funny how the endings of things we weren’t sure we wanted when they started are bittersweet. Funny how my sentences are so confusing, too! You have done so well! I think we should put your picture up all over Denmark. Just to confuse the politicians. I’d vote for you in the election of courage.